Good Morning Rich People

By Keelin 

Good morning, rich people. You'll want to put on your monocle and stop stacking your gold bars for a minute because I have some bad news: the Bush tax cuts are set to expire in a mere four months! That's not even the worst news for you guys this week. While you were taking your daughters Mimsy and Windsor to their dressage tournament, a bunch of billionaires pledged half of their wealth to charity. I don't want to say America is now a socialist nation, but if teen age girls liked tips on wealth re-distribution as much as they like advice on boys and make up, President Obama would definitely have a column in Seventeen magazine.

Today's Rich People Weather

It's another lovely day in the Hamptons or St. Tropez or wherever you summer. Enjoy it while you can, though, because the government will be reclaiming that land tomorrow.

Today's Rich People Revolution Tip

Well, you've been hearing about it for years and now it's finally here -- the revolution. Now the question is, what does one wear? Conspicuous jewelry and accessories are out since they'll only enrage the unwashed masses. We suggest paramilitary garb in soft pastel colors. The epaulettes say: "I mean business." The flattering hydrangea shade counters: "But I'm ready for cocktails at six."

Today's Rich People Leader

You'll need someone to represent your interests on the public stage in the coming years -- someone who lives like you and who shares your interests. Some have suggested Ophah, but she'd always be nagging you to improve your inner self and get rid of your household clutter. Here's another idea: the re-animated corpse of Andrew Carnegie. You guys can afford that, right?

Today's Rich People Prediction

Fortunes will come dangerously close to being lost here in Obama's America, until someone suddenly realizes that tax rates are still lower than they've been in 100 years and the American tax and political systems specifically benefit the rich in nearly every conceivable way. You will be so happy you will give your daughter's dressage pony an extra lump of sugar.


  1. I live in one of the richest counties in the country.


  2. I live in the richest county in the country: Tazewell!

    I loved this GM. It was a treat for my internetless eyes.

  3. THIS is one of the funniest GMs ever. Also, Oprah by way of Eckhart Tolle is the devil

  4. keelin, this is so funny. i love your gms!