Life with Mikey (8-16-10)

By Mikey 

I was thinking about going to see the Beach Boys live, but I don't know if it would be the same without Brian Wilson and all the others. Has anybody seen them recently? Do they play "Kokomo"?

What's next: a movie based on a vending machine?

Kids are always telling each other that they aren't "all that." I don't like that.

Mr. T always pitied fools, but he never helped any of them. That's why he won't become a saint.

It's been too long since my last pumpkin pie.

The Full Monty is my favorite film about full frontal male nudity.

How do you blow smoke rings?

They say Fig Newtons aren't cookies, but they really are.

I don't watch commercials now that I TiVo everything.

I can't get enough minor league baseball.

Copycat killers are so cliché.

Why does Don Rickles call everybody hockey pucks? What's so bad about being a hockey puck?

My favorite flavor of ice cream is strawberry cheese cake.

I still can't believe that Gomer Pile was a Marine. I guess they have no standards.

I hope it's nice Sunday. I want to go hiking!

There are too many motivational posters on the internet.


  1. Mikey, I'm surprised to learn you like hiking since there aren't any Arby's in the woods.

  2. What you said about the Beach Boys is probably the only thing you've said in your 15 years of this column that I can relate to.

    The answer is no it's not the same without Brian Wilson and yes they do play Kokomo.

  3. mikey, i love pumpkin pie, too! i'd eat one with you if i didn't hate your guts!

  4. How would they make a movie about a vending machine? What the fuck does that even mean!?

  5. Yeah Mikey - you idiot!!
    I had a dream about eating pumpkin puree with chocolate chips. I woke up nauseated but full.

  6. Do you guys remember when all the Beach Boys except Brian Wilson went on "Full House" and Uncle Jesse jammed with them? TV never does stuff like that anymore!


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