One Week in Entertainment

By Glenn 

I don't follow entertainment news as much as I used to. For some reason Charlie Rose insists on interviewing important political figures. I believe Heidi Montag has even been blacklisted from his show for her controversial views on the Uyghur nationalism movement.

Speaking of persecution,
Paris Hilton Arrested for Cocaine Possession
Is there no justice in the world now? Doing cocaine is perfectly legal in the United States, but Paris Hilton has been arrested because she is famous and beautiful. Between this and the time she was questioned at the World Cup for "smoking marijuana" (another victimless crime), the misguided war on drugs is ruining the lives of our young people. Paris is 29.

Zoe Saldana Gets Even More Intimate for Calvin Klein Underwear
Don't ask me who Zoe Saldana is or how a Calvin Klein underwear video advertisement can be construed as intimacy. I just like that all Calvin Klein is only using Van Morrison music in the company's advertisements now. It captures the right mood - sexual, horn-based and for older people. Zoe Saldana probably downloaded all of VM's music when she got a job as a professional clothes model for CK.

Costar Dishes on Steamy Sex Scene with George Clooney
Violante Placido has a very graphic sex scene with George Clooney in the new children's film The American. Full details are not known, but reports there are elements of scatalogy and sadism reminiscent of Caligua's reign. She was really excited to have sex with him though because there is full penetration and he's a handsome, rich celebrity. In the movie he plays an American.

Usher on His Marriage: I Don't Regret Anything

Usher, the rapper and professional wedding usher, admitted from his jail cell that he didn't regret killing his ex-wife and her friend. He said that he loved her while they were married, but "we're two different people. And we have two different goals. It just was never going to work out 100 percent." So he murdered her.

Scott Baio is a right-wing idiot!
You might have heard this story or missed it when you went one week without checking Huffington Post, Gawker and other internet tabloids. Scott Baio did his taxes this year (on what income? -ed.) and then complained about paying them, making him as insightful as my own father. He subsequently sent out a picture of Michelle Obama looking like the shrill black woman she is and then said he wasn't racist because his wife's best friend is black. The whole episode convinced many people to start hating Italians.

Another right-wing celebrity
Janine Turner, the actress best known for her role on the television series “Northern Exposure, appeared at a tea party rally or something like it. She said, “they don’t want our children to know about their rights. They don’t want our children to know about a God!” Now, Janine Turner does not have the star power of an accomplished actor like Jon Voight or an overrated bore like Kelsey Grammar but hell if she hasn't put her money where her mouth is. She runs this site called Constituting America, which pretends to be about our "founding" (?) but is really just an excuse to spout right-wing bullshit. Let's hope Usher calls Janine Turner too.

See you next week!


  1. Hilton getting arrested for possession of coke is as wrong-headed and misguided as a college educated, middle class, white man laying down on the subway seats and falling asleep. When will police officers learn that by concentrating on us whites instead of real criminals theyre just wasting their time and my $?

  2. Wait, did Usher actually kill someone? Everyone needs to get off of the internet so that i can calm down and figure this out.

  3. zoe saldana is the girl from crossroads and drumline. DUH!

    ps i may or may not have googled "usher murder" just now because i had the same concern as scott.


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