Untertainment Weakly (3-11-11)

By Jake 

Phil Collins quits music!

Tomb Raider reboot. Your prayers have been answered.

Charlie Sheen was fired from "Two and a Half Men" by text message. Yet, that does not mean that show is going away. Maybe they are going to get Emilio Estev to replace him.

IAM Entertainment is developing a movie about the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons. Finally, a movie about balloons!

Movies Out Today

Mars Needs Moms - Hey, here's something that doesn't get released often: a movie for children! This one is about the mom draught that is currently happening on Mars. I usually do not like political movies, but I think Glenn is going to enjoy this one. I would think this is one to skip, but I say that about pretty much every movie released. This one, in particular, has a very bad title. Hey, at least it isn't a remake, based on a fairy tale or Shakespeare with gnomes.

Battle: Los Angeles - Yet another feature film that is based around the war between LA and aliens. It is supposedly awful, but I get my movie reviews from a dying man. Roger Ebert said that it is chaotic, ugly and stupid. So if you are ugly and stupid, this movie will probably be relatable and chaotic enough for you. If you are handsome and brilliant go see Gnomeo and Juliet. Making these dumb ass movies is a much better use of money than feeding homeless people. Those idiots don't even see movies!

Red Riding Hood - The classic fairy tale springs to life in this sexy thriller starring Amanda Seyfried. I am going to use the success of this film to judge whether the end of the world is a good thing. If people will see a movie version of Little Red Riding Hood, then maybe we are better off being swallowed up by a Japanese whirlpool. Roger Ebert's review of this is great because he sounds like the old man that he is. Yeah, people are stupid, especially young girls. They want to fuck monsters like vampires, werewolves and frankensteins. I will not be surprised to see this movie make $100 million, and I will weep $100 million worth of tears--which is a lot more than ? and the Mysterions sang about in their big hit song "96 Tears," due to inflation.

I Like Some Things, Too

Elvis Presley - I have become a fan of Elvis, much to Kaleena's chagrin.

Parks and Recreation - If you are not watching this show, you are doing yourself a great disservice. It is possibly the funniest show on TV right now besides The Simpsons. The characters of Parks and Recreation are all likable. My biggest problem with 30 Rock is that basically none of the characters are likable at all. Community has some likable characters and some unlikable ones, but that show is great, too.

Enjoy your week and don't see Little Red Riding Hood in 3D.


  1. A movie about lawn gnomes and then a movie about balloons. Is there anything too banal to be turned into a "family movie?" I'm not asking that rhetorically.

    did elvis record mp3s? I saw his newest single reviews on hipster runoff.

  2. Elvis only recorded his music on mp3s.

  3. Mars Needs Moms is the movie adaptation for the Elton John song 'Rocket Man'. I am happy you put an exclamation mark at the end of the sentence 'Phil Collins quits music'. I love Parks & Rec. AND Community AND this weakly feature!!


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