"The best part was when the queen said 'Let them eat cake!' and then we all ate wedding cake!!"
"I liked when the bells rang all in unison. They sounded so beautiful, I can almost here them now. Actually I can hear them now, and I'm not sure if they happened in the first place. I have auditory hallucinations constantly."
"The Prince was so dashing, my favorite part was when he joked to his future father-in-law about it supposing to be a small family affair. Can Princes have fathers-in-law? Do you say it 'fathers-in-law' like 'attorneys general' - or is it father in laws? Does the father in law become a 'step-king'? That doesn't even make sense..."
"Loved the hats. They were so pretty and everyone was wearing them. It was like going to electric-Amish-lady-country. Why don't the Amish not use electricity anyway? It must have something to do with 'alternating current'. Or maybe they started as an end of the world cult and their world ended before electricity became widely available."
"The Lord Jesus annointed this wedding. That means he smeared everyone with Neosporin."
"Kate had a very expensive dress. It looked real sharp - much classier than these 'mini-skirts' that girls are wearing nowadays, to their 'rainbow parties,' at their 'crack dens.'"
"Prince William had a red jacket with golden frillies on his shoulder. Why is that not a thing people wear instead of tuxedos? Why is that not a thing I am wearing right now? Why am I not wearing anything right now? Who are you and what do you want from me?! GETMEOUTTAHERE!!!!"
"I was surprised to see (Prince William) wearing a Micheal Jackson outfit, but I guess it had something to do with MJ's 40 night comeback show that was supposed to be in London. RIP MJ! NEVER forget!!"
"Well, I really liked it when they were in the church, and the princess was really beautiful. Not like that last Princess, Fergie. I think she's a bad singer - the singer, not the princess. She's kind of pretty though, just, not in a 'beautiful' kind of way - like a toad that you would have sex with if it were the size and shape of a lady and used to be addicted to crystal meth - the singer not the princess. Was there a princess named Fergie? Didn't she get killed in a drunk driving accident where Elton John was driving?"