When A Man Meets A Woman: A One Act Play

By Hot Rod 


Scene: Railroad yard. Stray cats walking around sexily. Empty cigarette cartons littered among the discarded tires. A beautiful redhead in high heels and fur walks warily down the tracks. A man in a Dick Tracy outfit steps out from the shadows.

Man: "Hey there, baby. What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

Woman: Surprised, then intrigued. "Howdy, partner. How's about you light my fire?"

Man: "Sure thing, sweetheart." Takes out a lighter and tries to set the woman's fur on fire.

Woman: Steps back. "No, silly. Not literally." She takes a cigarette out of her pocket book. "I mean this." She mouths her cigarette suggestively.

Man: "Oh, sorry babe. It's just you reminded me of the last dame I set on fire." Lights her cigarette. "The name is Sargent: Sargent Penis. I'm a private eye. That means that I look through windows at ladies undressing, for a living. And sweetheart, let me tell you, I wouldn't mind working for you."

Woman: Blushing. "Oh, Sargent! How much do you charge?"

Man: "For you darling, it'd be on the house."

Woman: Unbuckles her belt and opens her dress like a trenchcoated street flasher, revealing her totally nude swimsuit.

Man: "Nice work, miss! That's grade A lasagne hamburger helper if I ever ate it three times a week. If I wasn't afraid of getting you pregnant, I'd kiss you right on the mouth!!"

Woman: "Shucks, I bet you say that to all the naked ladies."

Man: "Yes ma'am, I do. That's my job."

A train approaches and stops in front of them.

Man: "Well, I guess this is goodbye."

Woman: "Oh darling. Will I ever see you again?"

Man: "On a cool, starry night, look out of your bedroom window at the moon and think of me. I'll be there. In the bushes by your shed."

Conductor: "All aboard!"

Woman: "Here, let me give you something to remember me by." Takes off her fur boa and hands it to Sarge.

Sarge takes the boa and tips his hat. The woman sheds a single tear, turns away and boards the train. The train pulls out. Sarge, steps onto the tracks facing the train, watching it leave. He holds the fur up, takes out a lighter and sets it ablaze. Then he drops it, still burning, and walks back into the shadows.

Fade to black.



  1. Hot Rod, you don't know anything about plays, detectives, or women!

  2. Haha. I'd still rather see this then The Lion King. Good play, Hot Rod.