Tim and the Poker Machine

By Jake 

After I get done fuckin’ cookin’ on Sunday, I head up to the bar on account of not having a license because of a DUI. I gotta wait somewhere for my old lady to pick me up, right? Might as well drink a dozen beers while waiting. Drinkin’ beer is a good way to kill some time.

The problem I have is with this motherfuckin’ poker machine. This motherfucker eats all of my money! I have this system where I put $5 in and play that before putting any money in. I usually don’t lose too much money when I do that, but this motherfucker suckers me in. I get a good hand and I have to bet more to keep playing and raise the bet.

This last weekend I fucking lost more money than I made at work. Shit. I lost one hundred fucking dollars. I only made seventy. There goes my money for weed and cable. How am I supposed to get fucking high and watch wrestling? Fuck that.

I’m not going to that bar any fucking more. This last weekend was the last straw, man. I got to the bar and the bartender told me the dollar machine was cold. Shit, okay man, thanks for the heads up, right? Yeah fuckin' right. I play the penny slots for an hour and lose $100. Then some jackoff comes in, puts $10 in the dollar machine and wins $50. I have never been so pissed off in my life. Fuck that part time assholes.

From now on, I’m going to a different bar--one without a poker machine. Who needs that shit anyway? I’ll get drunk somewhere else, where the bartenders don’t fuck with me.


  1. That was me saying that to a video poker machine! This was great!!

  2. This is based on a guy I work with. He always loses all of his money on the poker machine on Sunday and then tells me about it on Monday and I laugh at him.

  3. That would be so great to do! Also, I voted at least five times in the poll!!

  4. This could fit into Kentuckytown.


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