The beach-goer applied sunblock and immediately felt depressed.
On her deathbed, the Queen denounced her Christian faith and converted to Zoroastrianism.
The coffee shop patron ordered a french vanilla latte. The barista checked and reported, 'We have french lattes, but we're out of vanilla'.
The hobo grew weary of drinking antifreeze to get high and switched to stolen cologne samples from magazines at the local grocery store. He died of ink poisoning.
At the intersection of County Road KK and East K Street, the racist had to fight ferociously against the impulse to set the memorial cross alight that marked the deathplace of a youthful bicyclist. He was only able to by imagining her playing baseball.
White truffles being especially scarce this season, the foodist could only have truffle kebabs six times the entire Autumn. For consolation she sucked on a heavily circulated gold doubloon between bites to cleanse her palate.
The Italian mob prevented aspiring stone cutters from pursuing their trade without providing proper tributes. The best and brightest would-be guilded stone-cutters fought against corruption by emigrating to America to franchise Chili's restaurants and administer Off Track Betting establishments.
Dennis was teased in high school for his lack of social skills, his homeliness, awkwardness and lack of intellect. He was an outcast. In order to prove he was a better man than the assholes that picked on him growing up, he joined the military after he graduated. And, he kind of won.
Chicken Conan killed himself after learning his version of the Chicken Tonight Show had been effectively canceled. He was literally as dead a chicken with its head cut off.
The cat took the wheel from its unconscious driver. Luckily, it was perfectly adept at steering a motor vehicle. Unluckily it drove straight into a rocky bluff when no one was there to press the brake pedal for it.
The starving child's pain felt like acid boring through the membranes of her internal organs. She held her waist and rocked back and forth. Her father, unsuccessful at obtaining sustenance brought her home a wild daisy. Through her crippling pain she put on a smile, accepted the gift, and ate it.