Twitt-ocalypse Now - The Tweets of @rwoodsmall

By Ryan

Hi everybody, this is Bub.  Now, I know what you're thinking and, yes, Bosom Buddies does hold up about as well as you'd expect.  I'd like to welcome you to what I hope will be a new weekly segment featuring a collection of tweets from our talented and clinically depressed friend, Ryan.

Many of you may not know that Ryan is the owner of the website  He bought it to post his screenplay for the Mrs. Doubtfire sequel where in it the cross-dressing nanny spends a season as a Dallas Cowboy tailback AND cheerleader, before being assassinated by another cheerleader unsure of her own sexual identity.  When Paramount axed that project he graciously let us use the web domain and has served as our Overlord ever since.  I am curating this post for Ryan because despite his being a fucking tech support engineer with degrees in computer science and mathematics, he doesn't understand how to use Blogger.

Ryan's tweets are my favorite thing on the internet.  They capture so perfectly the tone I personally strive for at One Year In Texas - they're hilarious, insane, thoughtful, thoughtless, and good-heartedly fatalistic.  He is also so prolific at tweeting that what follows is only from approximately a 48-hour period.  So go follow him @rwoodsmall today to catch all his musings on farts and existence; and enrich your meaningless flatulence-filled lives!


  1. I think my favorite from these is "I am six thousand years old. Who here has a car I can borrow and drive into a river? You? Give me your keys." There are so many funny leaps being taken in such a short space. I remember cracking up when this was first tweeted.


    One quick thing to note: I only minored in mathematics, and only ever finished my computer science degree because doing two multi-semester capstones didn't seem like the best use of my time at 22 (video games came first, and still do - GAMER 4 LIFE!)... That math degree would've taken me a whole year and a half to finish and I regularly kick myself in the ass for not dragging college out for another couple of years.

  3. I wish you had dragged it out for ten more years ! we would have ruled that school especially the East Asians in the math dept.

  4. Jake subscribed me to Twitter and at first I had him take Ryan off my list because he tweeted so damn much! But THEN I had him re-enstated because he's just pretty damn funny.
    Funny beats the shit out of too much any day.


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