Showing posts with label Afghanistan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Afghanistan. Show all posts

Good Morning Operation Iraqi Freedom

By Stephen 

Last week marked the end of U.S. combat operations in Iraq AKA Operation Iraqi Freedom. Finally! What better way to commemorate this occasion than a retrospective?

Mission Accomplished

"Just kidding, ya'll"

Less than 3 months after the beginning of the U.S. invasion, President Bush announced the end of major combat operations in Iraq. Immediately hence, Iraq became a bloody cornucopia of sectarian violence and a military & political quagmire. Now that our war there has actually come to an end, most would call Bush's proclamation of "Mission Accomplished" premature. I like to think of it as prophetic.

Where Are They Now: Ahmed Chalabi



Who remembers this guy?! He's the one who "fooled" people like war criminal Paul Wolfowitz and NY Times journalist Judith Miller into believing Saddam had WMDs en masse. After the invasion, Chalabi's intelligence was proven to be entirely fabricated. Over the past seven years, he's been mired in a plethora of scandals, mostly involving SOP bureaucratic corruption but sometimes murder! Where is he now? According to Wikipedia "Chalabi had been placed in charge of "deBaathification" —the removal of senior office holders judged to have been close supporters of the deposed Saddam Hussein. The role had fallen into disuse but in early 2010 Chalabi was accused of reviving this dormant post to eliminate his political enemies, especially Sunnis. The banning of some 500 candidates prior to the general election of March 7th 2010 at the initiative of Chalabi and his Iraqi National Congress was reported to have badly damaged previously improving relations between Shias and Sunnis." Still up to his old tricks!

Au Revoir, Abu Ghraib

Yes, German Shepherds are scary. But not as scary as having your genitals iced, or being dragged across the floor by a rope tied to your penis, or being sodomized by a baton, or being forced to masturbate and fuck/suck your fellow inmates, or having phosphoric acid poured on you, or being raped, or being bitten by poisonous snakes, or being beaten to death. All of which happened at Abu Ghraib. However, judging from polls, public discourse, and popular indignance, these atrocities are less repulsive than the looming prospect of Park51.

I would have posted more, but reading about Abu Ghraib kind of depressed me. It's time to move on... to Afghanistan! Have a great day.

Good Morning, Peace Be Upon You




By Bub 

Good morning.

Today is the start of a new movement. Today is the start of Peacemakers International. Our field agents are called 'Suicide Peacemakers'. We are going to go to the most dangerous parts of the world and spread the message of love and peace at the cost of our very lives. Sure, it's naive and self-serving. But it would make a real impact in the global peace movement. If you are interested in traveling to Afghanistan as a 'suicide peacemaker' please donate $2,500 to cover your airfare and room & board for as long as you are expected to survive. Our first stop will be Kandahar. Your assignment will be to seek out Taliban chieftains and warlords and give them hugs. You will help dig wells and perform puppet shows for local children daily. In your off time you are expected to stand on street corners smiling, professing love to all those who pass by. Your expected assignment duration will be two weeks at which point Peacemakers International will cover the cost of having your decapitated body shipped to, and interned in, our memorial mausoleum. Today, my friend, is your day to become a martyr in the purest sense of word. Let's do this thing before it's too late.


Today's martyr: James the Lesser



James the Lesser is supposed to have been the brother of Jesus Christ, by a former wife of Joseph. He was elected to the oversight of the churches of Jerusalem; and was the author of the epistle ascribed to James in the Bible. At the age of ninety-four, he was beaten and stoned by Jews; and finally had his brains dashed out with a fuller's club.



Today's prediction:




You will forego earthly possessions to join the martyrs' corps and help bring an end to war through your ultimate self-sacrifice. You will be killed while hugging a utility pole that was strapped with hand-grenades. You will attract many admirers and start a new craze whose adherents will be dubbed 'utility pole huggaz.' You will single huggedly end the war in Afghanistan. Congratulations.