From the OYIT VAULT
Setting - A bakery counter at a Jewel grocery store.
(Lights go up on a bakery counter a Jewel grocery store. We see Shad, a 51 year old baker, preparing dough of somesort.)
Shad: (talking to himself, gleefully) Tra-la-la! What shall you be, Mr. Dough? Perchance a cookie? Perchance a cake? Whatever you shall be shalt be s'wonderful!
(Brandi, our antagonist, approaches the counter. She is wearing a big dress. She is fat in addition to being 42 years old. She reeks of fries.)
Brandi: (gleefully) Now there's the man I need to see!
Shad: (laughs) Uh oh! Hit the "Brandi alarm"! Watch out!
Brandi: (laughs) Oh cut it out! But a man who knows his way around a dessert, call him a DREAM man!
Shad: Right, right.
Brandi: Anyway, I need my fix.
Shad: (laughs) A fix? Oh Brandi!
Brandi: I know, right? It's like I'm ADDICTED TO DESSERTS!
Shad: (jokingly uses a chocolate chip cookie as a "cigarette") Huh? How about this? Huh?
Brandi: (beside herself in laughter) That's it! That's it! (shifting focus) Ok. Hmm, what to get today. How about that. That cake. That whole cake!
Shad: (slight chuckle) Right. Yeah, the whole thing.
Brandi: No no. I wish, though! It looks good. Go ahead and give me a piece.
(Shad cuts a generous piece of the German chocolate cake, places it in a Superbowl-themed, football shaped to-go container, and hands it to Brandi, who at this point has gathered saliva on the corners of her mouth.)
Shad: Tra-la-la. One piece of cake for Brandi!
Brandi: Thank you...so much. This is gonna be gooOOood. Ya know, forget everything else. Chocolate. That's it. That's where it's at!
Shad: Hooray!
Brandi: I'm addicted to chocolate!
Shad: (grimly) As I am t'ward you. (Lights fade slowly as "Live Your Life" by T.I. feat. Rihanna plays softly in the background.)
