Life With Mikey [4-20-09]

By Mikey

My wife got me a new bowling ball for my birthday. This is a great gift because I hate putting my fingers into a public ball since I like to eat Cheetos between frames. People often call me superstitious, but I think it improves my game by at least 5 pins.

• I read about all of those tea parties in the news last week. Originally I wanted to go to one because I've been drinking more green tea lately, but then I found out they were just about taxes.
  
  
• Homeless people sure love hanging out at libraries. I guess if I was homeless I would go there too because you can use the internet for free and it's warm, but I really hope I never get homeless.
  
  
• There was a small kitchen fire in Hardee's a few miles near my house. Glad it wasn't Arby's.
  
  
• A new ice cream store opened recently so I went there. Not my thing though. Too many young people.
  
  
• If my local newspaper goes out of business where will I read Garfield or Family Circus?
  
  
• Everyone complains when it rains outside but if it didn't rain what would happen to my wife's garden? The plants would die and then she's really be complaining.
  
  
• It doesn't get much better than the Charleston Chew.
  
  
• Somebody please explain why there are always dogs barking in rap music.
  
  
• Reggie is the most underrated character in the Archie Comics. Mr. Weatherbee is the second most underrated.
  
  
• If you don't dip your Nacho Cheesier Doritos into nacho cheese, then you just aren't living.
  
  
• My goal for this summer is to finally win the big cannonball contest.
  
  
• The song "Love in an Elevator" made elevators seem cooler than they actually are.
  
  
• Cannibals are really odd to me. Why wouldn't you just eat a ham or a roast beef sandwich?
  
  
• I hate rowing a boat more than anything.
  
  
• If eating a chili cheese dog is going to kill me, then I have a death wish.