Life With Mikey [4-20-09]

By Mikey

My wife got me a new bowling ball for my birthday. This is a great gift because I hate putting my fingers into a public ball since I like to eat Cheetos between frames. People often call me superstitious, but I think it improves my game by at least 5 pins.

  • I read about all of those tea parties in the news last week. Originally I wanted to go to one because I've been drinking more green tea lately, but then I found out they were just about taxes.

  • Homeless people sure love hanging out at libraries. I guess if I was homeless I would go there too because you can use the internet for free and it's warm, but I really hope I never get homeless.

  • There was a small kitchen fire in Hardee's a few miles near my house. Glad it wasn't Arby's.

  • A new ice cream store opened recently so I went there. Not my thing though. Too many young people.

  • If my local newspaper goes out of business where will I read Garfield or Family Circus?

  • Everyone complains when it rains outside but if it didn't rain what would happen to my wife's garden? The plants would die and then she's really be complaining.

  • It doesn't get much better than the Charleston Chew.

  • Somebody please explain why there are always dogs barking in rap music.

  • Reggie is the most underrated character in the Archie Comics. Mr. Weatherbee is the second most underrated.

  • If you don't dip your Nacho Cheesier Doritos into nacho cheese, then you just aren't living.

  • My goal for this summer is to finally win the big cannonball contest.

  • The song "Love in an Elevator" made elevators seem cooler than they actually are.

  • Cannibals are really odd to me. Why wouldn't you just eat a ham or a roast beef sandwich?

  • I hate rowing a boat more than anything.

  • If eating a chili cheese dog is going to kill me, then I have a death wish.


  1. Mikey hopes he never gets homeless? How insightful! I would have assumed otherwise.

    Fucking idiot.

  2. "Somebody please explain why there are always dogs barking in rap music."

    was this one written by glenn or mikey?

  3. I think Mikey is just quoting David Duke.