Life With Mikey [4-27-09]

By Mikey

My son keeps begging me to play croquet with him. I finally say fine and we're playing. It's fun. I like when you have to step on one of the balls and hit it into another ball. Sometimes I hope for an explosion, but it never happens.

  • If you own a pair of Dockers, then I don't see why you need to blow all your money on blue jeans.

  • In a past life, I think I was a baseball player. I really enjoy baseball games.

  • Thousand Island dressing? Gross!

  • My wife is slowly teaching me how to cook breakfast food. Someone warn the fire department.

  • If I get one more piece of junk mail from my cable company I'm going to physically fight my letter carrier, Brent.

  • Eyeglasses make me look smarter, but I'd rather squint and feel a lot younger.

  • I will go to jail someday. Scary thought!

  • I love taking my dog on walks, but picking up poop? Mercy.

  • Everyone just please take a deep breath, let it out, and sit and watch the first several seasons of Rescue Me.

  • July 4th, 2009 better be a good time or else I'm fucking outta here.

  • I don't care what the Catholic church says, teenagers need to have safe sex. I'm sorry if that's a bit risque.

  • If I'm at the theater, you know I'm enjoying a large popcorn and a cola.

  • Ringo Starr is an underrated drummer.

  • I was watering my lawn a couple days ago and my son comes up to me asking me what I'm doing. This kid needs to learn how plants grow.

  • I've seen E.T. so many times, yet I still cry when he's sick.

  • I did not care for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake.


  1. Mikey, you curse like a sailor in one thought, then apologize for promoting safe sex in the next, have you been off your bipolar meds?

  2. You are far too judgmental of this moron.

  3. Ringo Starr is rated exactly how he should be.

  4. i was a little taken aback by mikey's swearing too. i guess we all need to accept that people change from time to time.
    also mikey - have you ever tried thousand island dressing? i thought it was gross too, until i tried it. it's pretty delicious.

  5. Sometimes people swear when they get angry. Grow up people.

  6. This is the most controversial Mikey yet. Let me throw in that I am also taken aback by Mikey's language. He's just talking about July 4th. Every year is the same. There's no reason to make such a threat.

  7. "If I'm at the theater, you know I'm enjoying a large popcorn and a cola."

    My amusement culminated in a genuine contraction of abdominal muscles at this one!

  8. thing is, i always looked to mikey to be the calm voice of child-like reason in the world. hence why his harsh tones frighten me a bit.