Life With Mikey [4-27-09]

By Mikey

My son keeps begging me to play croquet with him. I finally say fine and we're playing. It's fun. I like when you have to step on one of the balls and hit it into another ball. Sometimes I hope for an explosion, but it never happens.


  • If you own a pair of Dockers, then I don't see why you need to blow all your money on blue jeans.

  • In a past life, I think I was a baseball player. I really enjoy baseball games.

  • Thousand Island dressing? Gross!

  • My wife is slowly teaching me how to cook breakfast food. Someone warn the fire department.

  • If I get one more piece of junk mail from my cable company I'm going to physically fight my letter carrier, Brent.

  • Eyeglasses make me look smarter, but I'd rather squint and feel a lot younger.

  • I will go to jail someday. Scary thought!

  • I love taking my dog on walks, but picking up poop? Mercy.

  • Everyone just please take a deep breath, let it out, and sit and watch the first several seasons of Rescue Me.

  • July 4th, 2009 better be a good time or else I'm fucking outta here.

  • I don't care what the Catholic church says, teenagers need to have safe sex. I'm sorry if that's a bit risque.

  • If I'm at the theater, you know I'm enjoying a large popcorn and a cola.

  • Ringo Starr is an underrated drummer.

  • I was watering my lawn a couple days ago and my son comes up to me asking me what I'm doing. This kid needs to learn how plants grow.

  • I've seen E.T. so many times, yet I still cry when he's sick.

  • I did not care for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake.

9 comments:

  1. Mikey, you curse like a sailor in one thought, then apologize for promoting safe sex in the next, have you been off your bipolar meds?

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  2. You are far too judgmental of this moron.

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  3. Ringo Starr is rated exactly how he should be.

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  4. i was a little taken aback by mikey's swearing too. i guess we all need to accept that people change from time to time.
    also mikey - have you ever tried thousand island dressing? i thought it was gross too, until i tried it. it's pretty delicious.

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  5. Sometimes people swear when they get angry. Grow up people.

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  6. This is the most controversial Mikey yet. Let me throw in that I am also taken aback by Mikey's language. He's just talking about July 4th. Every year is the same. There's no reason to make such a threat.

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  7. "If I'm at the theater, you know I'm enjoying a large popcorn and a cola."

    My amusement culminated in a genuine contraction of abdominal muscles at this one!

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  8. thing is, i always looked to mikey to be the calm voice of child-like reason in the world. hence why his harsh tones frighten me a bit.

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no more comments from spam bots. fuck off.

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