Partnership Request (SB Vol. 3)

By Bub
Tuesday, September 22, 2009 6:32 AM

Hang Seng Bank Ltd,
Yau Tsim Mong Branch,
One Grand Tower G/F,
639 Nathan Road
Kowloon West, Hong Kong Island

Dear Friend,

I am Mr. Hong Achai credit officer of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have an urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.

I honestly apologize and hope I do not cause you much embarrassment by contacting you through this means for a transaction of this magnitude, but this is due to confidentiality and prompt access reposed on this medium, sorry my English is not very good. Furthermore, due to this issue on my hands now, it became necessary for me to seek your assistance, and it is imperative for me to know your opinion.

Five years ago, a Saudi Arabian Oil Consultant/Contractor with the Chinese Petroleum and Chemical corporation Mr. Al-Rahman Al Saud made a numbered time(Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$13,000,000.00 (Thirteen Million United State Dollars only) in my branch. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Hong Kong Petroleum and Chemical Corporation that Mr. Al-Rahman Al Saud died from an automobile accident.

On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL and all attempts to trace his next of kin were fruitless.

I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr.-Rahman Al Saud did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$13,000,000.00 (Thirteen Million United State Dollars only) is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it. According to Laws of Hong Kong, at the expiration of 5 (five) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.

Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Al-Rahman Al Saud so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials.

This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin.

We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 50% for me and 40% for you and 10% for Expenses Incurred in the course of the transaction.

There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and with my position as the credit officer guarantees the successful execution of this transaction.

Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. Please send me your confidential telephone and fax numbers for easy communication.

You should observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.

Awaiting your urgent reply.
Thanks and regards.
Mr. Hong Achai
N.B; for security reason, please reply to my confidential email address;


Money Please
Tuesday, September 22, 2009 2:26 PM

Mr. Hong Acai,

I apologize, my Chinese is not very good. But let me try to express my thoughts in a concise and dirigible manner. I have only one phone. Upon its ringing I will speak with you in a manner relating to business transactions. Please contact me regarding Prince Saud's bodily remains. I feel so unfortunate that he lays alone in the desert with only the cries of the wolves and the judgment of the sun. I apologize my metaphors are not very good either. I am gracious to your extending a helping grab to the family of the Prince and humbling to have been honored to become your newest business executive.

My first order of business is to negotiate the 10% rate for incurred expensives. I don't think 10% is too expensive at all. I think it is a fair sum. Especially considering you are willing to pay me 40% of the total amounting to $700.00 (United States Money of Bank) for my minimal role in the transaction. Again, Mr. Hong you are far too generous a person and that ungrateful Prince should have known better than to cheat your business deal by driving in a car incorrectly, but I digress. The sum of 10% is more than customary at American Banks and with American businesses like Western Union, so in my thoughts it will cover all expenses and not prove to be exceedingly costly.

Second, I would like to speak with your attorney about a personal legal matter. Under our corporate structure he is now my employee as well, and I have a pending matter that would be in all of our interests to have resolved before I am able to transact monies in front of the government. For security reasons I am only allowed to write that my legal problem involves too many orphans in one car. Like you Mr. Hong I am a generous man and I have taken in many orphaned children on promise of financial return. This has been to no avail however and the car was discovered by a team of expert divers. They told me I exceeded the maximum legal limit, and I want our attorney to explain to them that they are orphans and therefore not subject to binding international agreements - unlike our business arrangement!

Mr. Hong, on a personal level it is a fine thing to help so many Saudis and Americans like myself. You must be a man of luxuriosity with a heart made of gold or some other like metal. Speaking of which, I know a man down my block who is working on the manufacture of novelty hearts out of plastics, he is currently assembling the hearts clandestinely in various yards, but he mentioned to me last week that he was considering renting out an office and going legit with a secretary and everything - this could be ideal for the investment opportunity you are looking for. Perhaps our American subsidiary branch could partner with his him and share that office space. In America we call this concept 'synergy'. But we will discuss that at our next Board Meeting. I am so so grateful for your generosity and look forward to opening my bank account and finding that extra $700, just as soon as I am cleared of the federal charges I am facing.

All Yours,
- Bub


  1. $700 in the bank y'all! I almost called this one 'Too Many Orphans In One Car'.

  2. This is so hilarious. Even Mr. Achai's email to you is great. Just think how many Nintendo Wii games and Jason Kidd jerseys you could buy with $700!

  3. I just got a FedEx transaction for a similiar case. It appears we are in business together, Bub.