Random Writing number one

By GARY

I am going to try and start posting some hopefully funny writings that I randomly do. They have no point, but I guess that is the point.....trippy isn't it.


I always wanted to be a writer. I always wanted to write something, and something I wrote. I wrote poems, biographies, and Goosebumps rip offs. The more I wrote the more I was filled with false encouragement, perhaps; that is too cynical. Some of the encouragement may have been somewhat deserved, but a lot of it was the fact that the adults around me never read a Goosebumps book and were unaware that 90% of my stories was just last month's R.L Stine book. My uncle just fours years older than me and my co-author would not be so kind as to let my blatant plagiarism go unnoticed especially, when it came to the story "Bee Car[e]ful What You Wish For!" a somewhat debatable plagrism of the Goosebumps "Be Careful What You Wish For!". Much like Vanilla Ice just a few years before me I argrued, "Stine's goes 'Ding ding ding dingy ding-ding.'...mine goes 'Ding ding ding ding dingy ding-ding.'"in my story the main character got turned into a bee not a bird like in Stine's creepy crawly tale.....it's completely different, but not unlike the Goosebumps were the boy gets turned into a bee. The adults were also not enough of TV sitcom scholars to know how factually inaccurate my Drew Carey Biography really was. I do think on some level I am a good writer, and people seem to read it and nod their heads slowly, smile at me, and hand back the paper I have just written. They usually say "that is good", "you should be a writer", and, "why is your grammar so awful?".

I slowly got away from writing. I dove into the dark underworld of Magic: Gathering. Every Saturday was the ultimate in nerd Church: Wake up eat some kind of wacky Cartoon/comic/TV show--based cereal, pop in a fresh recordable VHS hit record--watch/record the latest episode of MST3K-- all the while trying in vein to edit out the commercials by "hand", then I would head to the Card Shop...get my fix by way of a Mirage set booster pack, and like an alley way junkies we all circled up and injected ourselves with the wonderful drug MtG. This drug felt amazing. It made you feel like you had 20 lives and could fend off a 5/5 Shvian dragon. The aforementioned Uncle and I would than spend the rest of the evening playing video games, watching Mr. Bean and WCW Saturday Night "The Mother-ship". I still wrote--only this time it was fake Magic Cards. I designed such memorable cards as the "Child Molester", and one hilariously lampooning the Card Shop owner....or maybe those were the same card.

10 comments:

  1. I would like to encourage others to randomly write a couple a paragraphs inspired by my random writing.....it will be fun.

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  2. also not really that random.....

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  3. Writing about writing. I could write about writing or MST3K or The Mothership.

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  4. That last paragraph brought back memories. I had stopped going to the card shop by the time the Magic rage came around, but I spent many afternoons and weekends trying to convince Todd to trade me a Hakeem Olajuwon for a shoe box full of commons, or an Anfernee Hardaway for an Alonzo Mourning. Openning a package of basketball cards to find an embossed Grant Hill rookie was the pinnacle of my life. To this day I boast the largest collection of Grant Hill cards in the Midwest, although you probably could too, I don't think anyone would do anything about it...

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  5. I used to have more Larry Johnson cards than Larry Johnson has children.

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  6. I bought an autographed rookie Alonzo Mourning card off of Todd with some of my Birthday money. Then my mom's coke head boyfriend took all my childhood stuff and sold it. To whomever has my Alonzo card I hope your takin' real good care of him.......

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  7. it's actually probably being used to cut a fat rail of coke as we speak.

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  8. Hey, I randomly found this blog while Googling "Goosebumps rip-offs." I'm trying to find a series I used to read that was clearly a pale imitation of R.L. Stine, published to cash in on the "horror for children" craze of the early nineties.

    I wanted to comment because probably all the writing I did when my age was a single digit was very heavily inspired by Goosebumps, as well. Reading your blog gave me a nostalgia trip. I wrote one book (actually never got past drawing a cover and writing a teaser) called The Stuffed Tiger, which would have been about a series of unfortunate and vaguely malicious incidents that may or may not have been perpetrated by a seemingly inanimate stuffed tiger. (Sort of a Hobbes from Hell. I guess I was ripping off Bill Watterson, too.)

    In fourth grade I wrote a story for class about a young boy who finds a strange rodent-like animal in the snow while sledding, which causes no small amount of destruction when he brings it home. The piece de resistance was a scene in which the evil creature graphically devours the boy's pet hamster, fanged maw all dripping gore and crunching bones. "Ew ew ew!" cried my teacher when she read that scene aloud. I'm surprised she didn't send me to the social worker.

    Eventually, however, my tastes matured, my writing became more sophisticated, and I graduated to Star Wars fan fiction. In spite of the fact that my work was now visible in a public forum (theforce.net, circa 1999/2000), I gleefully and innocently continued to steal plot points and character traits whenever I found it useful to do so. If I reread my work from that time period, I'd probably die of embarrassment, but the other posters on the boards were kind enough to encourage and support me at a very critical time in my development as a writer. I don't write fan fiction any more--now I'm at a stage where I'm actually trying to get published--but the fact that I write at all is a testament to those who had the patience and good grace to never tell me that I sucked eggs.

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  9. Thanks for not telling Gary he sucks eggs!

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