What Should I Wear on My Date?

By Keelin

Friends, if there's one thing I don't understand, its how to pursue and find true love. I go out, I even occasionally meet members of the opposite sex, sometimes I even go to these "bars" you people love so much. Still, romantic success has eluded me much like that road runner eluded that cartoon coyote, leaving me to fall off the proverbial cliff over and over again. (That metaphor has so many levels.)

But, big news! I have a date. Yes, a date -- an interaction with a man involving alcohol and conversation. It's going to be fantastic. Now that the plans have been made, there is only ONE thing left to do: decide what to wear. Here are the choices:

1. I don't know if you guys have heard, but Miley Cyrus has a clothing line at Walmart! And if there is anyone I want to look like as a woman of almost 30, it's Hannah Montana. Speaking of which, how awesome would I look in this vest ($12) and these shorts ($5)? The vest says business, the fringe says fun! Miley sure knows what American ladies want. In case it gets cold, I'll bring this shiny coat along ($25). Party in the USA!

2. Mormon underwear (Price Unknown) is another option. There's something intriguing about a lady in a religious garment. Does she love God? Is she a hipster wearing it ironically? Who knows -- until you get to know her, that is. Which you definitely will want to do. A lot.

3. And you can't go wrong with a muumuu (Price varies). This loose-fitting dress will have men guessing whether you are fat or pregnant -- or both! -- all night long.

4. Ha, Miley again! She is so good. This dress ($6) says, "I like cheap Chinese textiles and flashing my underwear." So classy.


  1. I'd go with 4 if I were you. It's fun and slightly formal.

  2. Yup and showing your underwear will make you seem more alluring.

  3. don't listen to these men, keelin. go with number one. miley has never made a misstep, unless you count nude photo shoots with daddy and dancing on poles at award shows that are marketed to preteens. she wouldn't steer walmart shoppers (78% of her fan base) in the wrong direction.

  4. I'm with Maddie, nothing is sexier than fringe hidden underneath a motorcycle jacket!

  5. Thanks for the advice guys! I just went nude -- I figured that was the most subtle...