Oil, What is it Good For? Absolutely Everything

By Bobby Langston 

BP has recently come under fire for spilling a bit of oil in the Gulf of Mexico. Who hasn't spilled? I know that I have spilled milk while eating at a restaurant. Did I cry over it? Heck no. Why are all these bleeding hearts shedding tears like a dying cat sheds its graying hair? Perhaps they never heard the adage about milk to which I just alluded.

Oil is our economic blood. If we cut off the blood supply we will die. Now, I know that a lot of great men have died, among them George Washington, but I do not think that this is what we want. We need to keep our economy going strong like it was when George W. Bush was the Commander-in-Chief. This Obama screwball has it more mixed up than an epileptic's martini.

The CEO of BP, Tony Hayward, recently came under fire for attending a yacht race. I say, so what! Everybody has to unwind, and this is the way Hayward chose to blow off a little steam. I want this man thinking clearly when he is devising ways to reduce the cost of oil. A relaxed CEO is an effective CEO.

Some of these leftist yahoos want to "reduce our dependency on foreign oil." These liberal buffoons want the air and the sun to power the Earth. Who is going to make money off of that? You cannot own the wind or sun like you can own oil. You have to make oil, you do not make sunshine, God does. What, are we going to pay God? That guy already has tons of money, and of course the bleeding hearts want to take it all from him through taxes and give it to those who are too lazy to get a job. Jobs are everywhere, just go to McDonald's and tell them to give you one!

Now I do not mean to be skirting the issues, skirts are for women and I'm no lady. This oil spill has the tree hugging hippies all up in arms. Look, the ocean is a big place and that Mother Nature lady you folks are always going on and on about is going to take care of this oil. BP does not want their oil in the ocean, they want it in your car after you overpay for it.

BP has done everything they could, and with great haste, to contain this oil spill. If President Obama was not too busy trying to figure out how to raise our taxes until we have no money for our children, maybe this oil spill would have been taken care of before the end of April. I say point the blame where it belongs, not at Tony Hayward but at your President Obama.


  1. I agree that Obama should have foreseen the oil spill and preemptively cleaned it, but your confusion between solar, wind and fossil fuel energy is disconcerting. God made dinosaurs, which became oil.

  2. Ahoy Bobby! I heard it was president Obama's terrorist friend Willie Ayers what blew up the oil platform to begin with!! Looks like someone's been palling around with the ocean!!!

  3. Bobby Langston might be a conservative, but you canot hold it against him for telling it "like it is." He is an American treasure and an American nightmare at the same time.