One Year In Texas Talk 6-23-10

By Nate 

One Year In Texas Talk is an answering machine we have set up to our OYIT hotline. Please call in and leave an anonymous message. If we deem it worthy, it will show up in this weekly piece. Tell us what's on your mind. It doesn't even have to pertain to the website!

Vuvuzelas need to buzz off!

Hi, yeah, Texas Talk? I'm concerned about the vuvuzela things that them African people are blowing during the world cup. Now this aint about what you think. Sure they're a bother, but that's not my complaint. If you were a St. Louis Cardinal's fan during the 2005 National Championship when they played the Houston Astros you already know how annoying the bee buzzing sound can be. No, I'm more concerned about bee swarm awareness and readiness. See, I'm a bee farmer. Now when I hear a swarm of bees coming at me -- first I thank God that the bees are coming back and not disappearing -- then I run for the nearest bee suit. I know what an angry swarm of bees sound like! But after this world cup, what if a swarm of angry bees attacks a kid's league soccer game? All them soccer moms are going to look around excited to see what cheer squad soccer mom brought a mess vuvuzelas for their team only to watch in terror as her son or daughter's team and the people in the stands are attacked by bees! We need to ban these things pronto!

Does this answer your question?

Hey, d'y'all print cuss words? If'n ya do, then FUCK! hehehehehehe

Listen up, machos: stop running over turtles!

I know that I should not be the only person who is sick and tired of seeing dead turtles on the highways where these machos think they have to run over them. First of all, the turtles pull themselves back into their shells as soon as the road vibrates and there is nothing slower than something that stops, yet you still have to run over them. If this makes you feel macho, I fell sorry how your life must be. This is pathetic. It is a poor, defenseless creature. Do you know how long it takes to get to the size of one that you are killing? And I know I am not the only one, and yes, this really aggravates me. This is plain inhuman. Thank you.

No, that was Ralph Nader, and I think you actually want anarchy.

Yes, this in reference to Stop Texting and Driving. How in the world do they know that I am texting if they are paying attention to their own driving? That is the scary part. How about you pay attention to what you are doing and not what someone else is doing, and you want to talk about people talking on cell phones, you are probably one who wanted them to make us wear seat belts. Now because of you, we have to wear seat belts. And you probably will want me to stop smoking in my car next. I think we live in a democracy, not an anarchy, so get your nose out of everybody's business, keep your eyes on the road, and pay attention to what you are doing and not what someone else is doing. Thank you. Also, I will be texting when I want to.

Is that last sentence a racial slur or a death threat?

The disaster in the Gulf is bad enough with just the oil leak, but now that BP and our government has decided to burn the oil, it is sad enough with the leak, now they intend to pollute the atmosphere and spread the disaster in a global fashion. What are these idiots thinking? The atmosphere circulates the whole globe. That has been proven when sand from the Sierra and dust from China coming to America, South America, Canada, you see where I am going with this. What kind of rank amateurs are deciding what to do in the Gulf? Plug the leak and get somebody down there that knows how to clean the mess up. President Obama, you are just as burned as that post hole is going to be.


  1. I think the punishment for texting while driving should be cleaning up the turtle carcasses off the highways.

  2. a hole in the ground not unlike the one that is leaking oil in the gulf i think.

  3. They should send the oil leak to outerspace! Let the fucking aliens deal with that shit!!!

  4. hey that cards and astros series was pretty good