What Movies are Out in Theaters? (12-17-10)

By Jake 

This has been a terrible week for movies. First, Miramax announced a slew of unwarranted sequels (including one for Shakespeare in Love). Then the director of the Pink Panther films, Blake Edwards, dies. Now, we have a sequel to Tron and a CGI movie version of Yogi the Bear opening in the cinemas.

Yogi the Bear
I will not bother doing a fake summary for this abomination. It just makes me too mad that it even got made. Plus, it is coming out so close to Christmas, which could mean that it makes a slew of money. Children do not watch Yogi the Bear cartoons. I have three baby sisters (the oldest is 3 years old), and they watch Disney, Cartoon Network and Nick. So, the success of this film is hinged upon people our age taking their children to see it. Now, I do not have a lot of hope for our generation and I would not be surprised if we caused all human life on this planet to be extinguished within our lifetimes, but I still do not see them taking their kids to see this travesty.
This movie is in 3D, so if you wanted to be immersed in fart jokes then this is the movie for you. I would suggest eating some blackbeans and renting the Rocky and Bullwinkle movie. Actually, I would not suggest that. Please do not do that.
Should you go see this?: No, obviously.

Tron: Legacy
A meaningless sequel to a pretty boring movie with good special effects. Like all movies, this is in 3D. Does 3D enhance a movie like marijuana, or is it just a way to squeeze a few extra dollars out of the audience?
I will not be surprised if this makes some money, but I will probably be somewhat confused. The budget of this movie was $200 million. Think about all of the lap dances you could get with that money! Hell, you could probably even afford to finally go to the champagne room.
Should you go see this?: No, but you probably will anyway.

Hey, the restored, extended version of Metropolis was released recently and you can stream it on Netflix. I suggest watching that over either of these movies. If you have kids, watch Metropolis Babies.

In other movie news, I had to send "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" back to Netflix without watching it after having it for two weeks.


  1. I like this movie column!

    I took my parents to see Yogi Bear 3D and they laughed at the fart jokes. I appreciated the comparison between national forests and the concentration camps of the Holocaust.

  2. ...I think Tron deserves more respect. The plot was shitty, but that film really does a great job presenting an alternate universe through its visuals.

    That being said, I'll openly admit that I really enjoy creative and vibrant visual effects enough to where I'll ignore poor attempts at conveying plot. I could list examples, but this would probably take this comment into serious TL;DR territory. Just know that this doesn't include most 3D films. There's nothing creative or immersive as having random stuff pop out at the audience for the purpose of having stuff pop out.

    However, I wouldn't be suprised if Tron: Legacy pulled off 3D well just from what I've seen so far in clips.

    I will offer this disclaimer though before anybody claims I'm full of shit and drugs: I'm a pretty psychotic geek even in my more serious operating modes. The primary reason I'm seeing Tron:Legacy is to see what Daft Punk did with the scoring of the film.

    All that being said, I'll concur that it would be horrible to subject children to Yogi Bear. You may as well give up and start showing them Pauly Shore movies.

  3. Only the fake world stuff is in 3D in Tron Legacy, which makes it a little better. Supposedly it is pulled off really well. I still will never see it, though. It does sound like it isn't necessary to see in 3D like Avatar. Avatar is one of the most boring, lame movies I have seen. I watched it with Rifftrax and still almost fell asleep.

  4. Avatar is a completely sterile experience...hair sex is about as relatable as rich people making jokes about real estate. George Lucas Syndrome really smacked the hell out of James Cameron.

    I'll agree that 3D probably isn't necessary with Tron. Still, I'm willing to gamble and pay the extra $2 on this one.

  5. i won't see either of these movies