Untertainment Weakly (2-11-11)

By Jake 

-Miley Cyrus is going to host Saturday Night Live "for the first time." I don't respect anybody who still watches SNL, but I do respect fans of Miley Cyrus. So I consider this a mixed bag.

-Lindsay Lohan stole a necklace. For more on Lohan, read: Lindsay Lohan: Truthful Actor in the Role of Life and Debate: Lindsay Lohan - Hero or Villain?

-Norm Macdonald will be hosting two shows soon. Starting this month he will be hosting GSN's poker show and at some point he will have a sports show on Comedy Central.

-There was also a Super Bowl this week. Wisconsin won, I think.

Movies Opening Today

Just Go With It - Adam Sandler stars as a mentally ill person and Jennifer Anniston stars as a beautiful woman America feels sorry for because Brad Pitt left her for Angelina Jolie. The catch: they date. The downside: it will surely be horrible. I really think that Jennifer Anniston is a good comedic actress, although she is rarely in quality films. Adam Sandler has been in maybe two good movies (Punch Drunk Love and...I don't know. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and saying that he has been in a second good movie). Roger Ebert gave this one star and Glenn gave it zero, although neither actually saw it. Don't go see this movie, it has Adam Sandler in it.

Gnomeo & Juliet - This is an adaptation of the William Shakespeare tragedy, but, you know, with garden gnomes. I just made the mistake of watching the trailer. I might prefer rewatching the anti-classic rape revenge movie "I Spit on Your Grave" over this children's movie. I'm sure children will like this, but children are so stupid. If you take your child to see this movie and they like it, then you might as well write them off and give up any hope of them having a good job or a quality life. Don't go see this movie, it is about fucking lawn gnomes falling in love. IT IS ABOUT LAWN GNOMES FALLING IN FUCKING LOVE!!!

Cedar Rapids - I am from Illinois, but live somewhat close to Iowa. I could drive to Cedar Rapids in 2.5 hours if I wanted to. Of course, I don't, because it is Iowa. I have seen the trailer for this film several times on Hulu and, I have to admit, it could be good. Ed Helms is pretty funny. When I stopped watching "The Office," he was the only funny character left. He was also in "The Hangover," which is pretty overrated, but a decent comedy. If you have to see any movie in the theater this weekend, this is the one to see. I sincerely hope that it makes a lot more money than Gnomeo & Juliet, if only to stop the garden gnome industry from making more films. Keep in mind one thing, though: you do not need to see a comedy in a theater. It does not enhance the movie in any way. When have you ever listened to me, though? Let's face it, you're going to pay the $50 to see this movie.


  1. I think my write up for "Cedar Rapids" is the most positive write-up since I started doing this article.

  2. I really don't believe that statement about I Spit On Your Grave.

  3. Watch the Gnomeo & Juliet trailer on youtube.com.

  4. Watch the original grindhouse 70's version of I Spit on Your Grave if you must watch it. The remake tried to make a drama/torture porn combo out of a grindhouse flick, and it failed horribly.

  5. Sadly, I have seen the UNRATED version of the original "I Spit on Your Grave." It features at least a solid 45 minutes of brutal rape. I would still rather watch it than Gnomeo and Juliet, though.

  6. I almost stopped reading this series because you always panned the movies, but the review of Cedar Rapids gives me hope even though I have serious reservations about the movie.

  7. I watched it as part of a grindhouse setlist and was already piss drunk by the time we got to that. I never claimed it was good (it was shitty even by grindhouse standards), and the extended rape got most of us pissed off to varying degrees, but at least it didn't try to stylize the shit like the remake. We were thankful for Blaxploitation night a few months later, which was more cheeky and fun in a racist sort of way.

    Still, I'll agree with you that it's probably better than Gnomeo and Juliet.

  8. I really love campy movies a lot. I especially like Blaxploitation horror movies that have the word "black" forced into the title to create a "Gnomeo & Juliet"-esque pun. That being said, the people who like "I Spit on Your Grave" are pretty frightening. Even if they try to pass it off as a feminist movie.

    Nate, I do usually pan movies in this article, but I really love movies. It's just that there usually aren't quality movies being released, especially in the winter months.

  9. This is really great, I am glad you've incorporated the movie previews into 'entertainment weekly'. Now when I feel dirty after reading it, it's only because I constantly rub dirt in my hair and not because of the content of the article!