Untertainment Weakly (8-12-2011)

By Jake 

Remember how last night you got on your knees, lifted your head toward the sky and prayed to the heavens for another “Resident Evil” film? Well, there is a God apparently.

Hahahahaha, Eddie Murphy is starring in “Hong Kong Phooey.” Yeah, that is defintely what should be made into a movie considering the “success” of recent terrible-cartoons-to-terrible-movie remakes.

Nicki Minaj has joined “Ice Age 4,” which, really, is quite pathetic.

Yikes, the director of “Hop” is in talks to make a film entitled “Walter the Farting Dog.”

Roseanne is working on launching a sitcom, “Downwardly Mobile,” about a family living in the recession, which is what we are all doing!

TBS has cancelled “Lopez Tonight.” Now Lopez will have more time to play Mexican stereotypes in children’s movies.

Syfy has cancelled “Eureka.”

FX has renewed “Louie” for another season and “It’s Always Sunny” for two more seasons.

Movies Out Today
The Help - I saw a trailer for this film before “Bridesmaids.” It looks totally awful. My pal, Beth, said the book is good, but, frankly, I do not believe her. This film is about black servants who are not allowed to use the toilet or some such nonsense. I’d rather watch “Con Air.” Women will watch this movie, I will not. Ever.

Final Destination 5 - I actually really like the “Final Destination” films. They’re so stupid and funny. Sadly, my wife will not watch them with me, so I have yet to see the fourth one. I’d actually love to go see this film in the theater in 3D. I have yet to see a 3D film, and what better way to experience another dimension of cinema than with Rube Goldberg style death scenes?

30 Minutes or Less - I really don’t know too much about this movie, but I’ve been hearing about it for a while. It stars Aziz Ansari and Jesse Eisenberg. One of them is a pizza deliverer who tries to rob a bank, I guess. Eh, I think you can probably wait for this to come to a video rental kiosk.

Other Thoughts
I watched “The Room” (with Rifftrax) last night. That is a movie that is possibly even worse than “Paranormal Activity.” I would highly recommend seeking out a scene or two on YouTube just to see the main actor (who also produced, wrote and directed) “act.” He is so terrible. This was not a story that needed to be told. It is merely some d-grade melodrama. I guess this film is now a cult classic in the vein of “Troll 2” and “Rocky Horror Picture Show.” I guess anything is possible in America, except for conservatives helping this country.


  1. The mythos behind The Room is even more epic than The Room itself. For example, Tommy Wiseau didn't know the difference between 35mm and digital filming...so he alternated between both. At the time of release, he planned on making a documentary on those differences.

    Also, it may have been ghost-directed by somebody else.

    I hope that if they make a new Resident Evil movie, it's as racist as Resident Evil 5 (the video game). People would totally forget about The Help if that happened.

  2. I actually hate the Final Destination films for the same reason you love them: intricate, pointless deaths with no sense of justice served and knowing exactly how every film will progress and end.

    Thank you for insulting conservatives !

  3. How was it with Rifftrax?! All kids movie should end in 'The Farting(Something)'!! I hear that movie is based on the Chekov story 'The Lady with the Farting Dog'!!!