Untertainment Weakly (10-14-11)

By Jake

Lifetime is planning on making a remake of “Steel Magnolias” with an all black cast.

Fox has shelved it’s huge hit show “The New Girl” in order to lengthen “The X-Factor.”  This is how to run a successful network, NBC.

“The Simpsons” has been renewed for two more seasons.  It will now hit season 25.  Good news if you like to laugh and aren’t an unnecessary snob.

Roseanne has landed a series on NBC called “Downwardly Mobile.”  It’s on NBC so you know it will get great ratings.

Netflix has murdered Qwickster.

ABC has ordered six additional scripts for “Happy Endings.”  So season 2 of “Happy Endings” will not quite be a full season, but around 19 episodes.

Oh shit.  Fred Durst received a starring role in an ABC sitcom.  The only thing this makes me want to break is a television set!

Movies Out Today
Footloose - A town without dancing?  Now I’ve heard everything--TWICE!  Another remake in Hollywood’s long-running series of remakes of films people pretty much aren’t watching any way.  This is getting good reviews, but guess what else got good reviews: Footloose, the original movie.

The Thing - Remake-o-rama.  John Carpenter’s biopic of Thing from “The Addams Family” gets a big screen remake.  What’s the point?  Why see either of these god damned movies?  Our country has no money and five wars, so let’s pay $15 to see a movie we could rent a better version of in the cinema.  If Public Enemy’s hit song “Burn Hollywood Burn” was about these remakes instead of Hollywood’s racism, it’d still be a relevant song.  Tyler Perry negated its meaning.

Other Thoughts
I’m happy about “The Simpsons,” of course.  Interested in this Roseanne sitcom, though it will probably be horrible.  Glad that “Happy Endings” got six more episodes.  It’s a pretty good show.  Why is Fred Durst getting sitcom work?  Fuck Fred Durst.

See ya next time, kids.


  1. I guess "The Thing" is a prequel, not a remake. It only has the same name and same plot.

  2. I can't stand Zooey De-someshit. Not only is her name vaguely (or completely, who the shit knows?) French, she has so much hipster cum inside her... fuck it, somebody else finish that joke. It's a lot of fucking hipster cum, okay? Possibly mixed with some Third Rock from the Sun cum, and a splash of Martin Freeman cum. Almost didn't read this article based on the image alone.

    You are dead [read: DEAD] wrong about the original The Thing. This is clearly based upon a weak inference of your statement: "Why see either of these god damned movies?"

    Being the only sane person left in my apartment building I of course read this as, "God, will you please A.) Exist, B.) Have magical damning powers that negatively effect things, and C.) Use those magical damning powers on the original The Thing?" I found this offensive thus you, like Ben Gibbard and anyone else on De-someshit's Bang Bus ride of a career, should be killed to death deadly straight dead [read:DEAD. I presume you are getting this by now?].

    However, I'm glad I suppressed my initial aversion, even if you are dead [DEAD, god damn it!] wrong about the original The Thing. Your opinions and commentary is timely, possibly evergreen, in these matters and I look to you for guidance in my entertainment life. More so now that Entertainment Tonight is such a piece of garbage, and I can no longer afford cable just to watch The Soup.

    Keep up the despicable work.


    A Fan

  3. Robert refuses to out himself as a fan of OYIT, so I'll do it for him much like I did it for Ellen (for being gay).

  4. The original Footloose was great! your disparagement suggests you either can't dance or haven't been in such a stifling social community that someone else exercising independence (in a fictional setting) alleviates the soul-crushing. I think I may be misinterpreting your intent in noting that the remake is getting good reviews. I thought you were implying that the initial reviews of the original movie may have been as dubious as the remake's.
    full disclosure: I enjoyed the one episode of The New Girl I saw. that spunky zany scripted spontaneity is tough to pull off, don't you think?

  5. I'm glad the 'likes' are back! I hope Roseanne's show replaces Whitney? Did Fred Durst get cast in Fred Durst's House: SVU (why am I implying Fred Durst is a rapist?)? I agree with Aaron's full disclosure! Great job Jake~!

  6. I like The New Girl, too. I also like Whitney. I have no opinion on the original "Footloose" because I have not seen it nor have I seen "The Thing." I just hate remakes.


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