Andy Rooney is dead. Now who will complain about everything? Oh yeah, teenagers.
Ridley Scott will direct the sequel to Blade Runner.
Jennifer Lopez is working on a “Carmen Sandiego” movie. She will produce and possibly star.
Megan Mullally is joining the cast of “Breaking In.”
Ratner is no longer producing the Academy Awards after he said that
“rehearsal is for fags.” Eddie Murphy has also dropped out.
Bill Keane, the creator of the abhorent “Family Circus” comic strip, has passed away. He was murdered by the “Not Me” ghost.
Crystal has taken over hosting duties for the 84th Academy Awards. I will discuss this further in the “Other Thoughts” section.
Howard Stern is in talks to joining the television program “America’s Got Talent.”
host Jeff Probst has a talk show coming to NBC. I really do not
understand why NBC is doing so poorly in the ratings, they’re just
giving us what we want.
Movies Out Today
and Jill - Adam Sandler plays himself and his twin sister in
this biopic. If the trailer for this film suggests anything, it is that
this will be, by far and away, the worst movie of 2011. A woman
lifting weights!? OUTRAGEOUS! This movie might be the nadir Adam
Sandler’s filmography, and Adam Sandler movies are the nadir of comedy
films. If you see this movie, you should probably kill yourself during
it. If enough people do it, then they will probably ban it.
Immortals - This movie looks shitty. “Clash of the Titans”
was garbage and this movie looks like that, but rated ‘R.’ You know if
you’re going to see this already, and nothing I say will stop you,
unfortunately. Yet, keep in mind that movies cost like $10 for a ticket
and you could use that money for a dimebag or hair relaxer.
Edgar - Hollywood really loves making movies about
presidents. I have not seen a single one, as I am not one for biopics.
They are often inaccurate. All I’m saying is that I wouldn’t use this
movie as a source on a research paper. I would use the Wikipedia
Crystal? What a great replacement for Eddie Murphy. Everybody loves
Billy Crystal and he has only hosted the Oscars 70 times. As I said in the Tax Day Tea Party debate, "Billy Crystal is about as cool as being breast fed by Richard Speck." I have never had anybody tell me they were a far of Billy Crystal. That would be like saying you're a fan of AIDS.
I saw a movie in the theater (my father paid for it). It was the hit Justin Timberlake time-pun filled sci-fi thriller "In Time." It was really stupid, but also entertaining. They said the word "time" as many times as "Pulp Fiction" said "fuck." I could develop a good drinking game off of this film, where you drink every time somebody says "time" or makes a time-related pun. You would die of alcohol poisoning just like the characters in the film die when their green, glowing arm countdown hits all zeros.