Sincerely Sarah (5-31-12)

By Sarah

How do you come up with ideas for your articles and videos on the internet?  I want to be creative, but the only ideas I can ever come up with are parodies of movies and songs that already exist, like “Boobtanic” and “Not to Kill a Mockingbird.”  Can you offer me advice?
-Parody Peter Pardow

Dear Parody Peter Pardow,

I mean, duh, man. I can offer you advice. THAT'S WHY I WRITE THIS COLUMN.

I'll tell you what: forget all the rules. Just, stop worrying about being a parody fanatic. Stealing other people's ideas is a great way to get creative. You have to capitalize on what you do well: the parody. Can you do a parody of a parody? Parody your own parodies. Do a parody parade to raise money for your parodied parodies. Your goal should be to eventually have someone want to parody your parodied parodies into their own parody. Throw a parody party. Get a parrot tree. BECOME your art; become the parody. You can then pat yourself on the back and get started on Boobtanic 2.

When in doubt, if you NEED to come up with your own original idea, lock yourself in your apartment, whip out a light saber and record your actions on a camera. Upload it to YouTube.

Imagine the possibilities,

Hello, Sarah, dear friend,
What is your favorite sitcom?  Mine is probably Big Bang Theory.  I love how it shows nerds doing stuff and we can laugh at their expense.  As you know, I’m a jock and love nerd humor.  I don’t read manga or play RPG video games so not all of the jokes make sense to me, but the ones that do are so funny.
-Bazinga Billy

Dear Bazinga Billy,

Well, well, well. It's certainly fun to laugh at people who are different than we are, isn't it? I'M BEING SARCASTIC BILLY. You sound like a middle schooler whose pants are falling down. Put on a belt and appreciate the nerds who built your iPhone and make the internet possible.

My favorite sitcom is Sex and the City because it portrays women in this really awesome, independent way. They can be sexy and chill! In no way has it made me insecure about my own relationships or given me inaccurate scenarios in which stilettos are acceptable. It’s also cool that the whole show doesn’t actually revolve around men.

TV is just like real life,

hello “sarah”

who are you really?  I know a lot of advice columnists are using fake names and fake characters.  for instance, did you know “Ann Landers” isn’t a real person?  It’s a pen name that was run by some old lady for decades.  what are you hiding?

-margo howard.

Dear “Margo Howard”,

I once read in a very reliable magazine that if your boyfriend keeps accusing you of cheating on him you better watch out because HE is cheating on you. As humans we assume everyone else is living the same life as us. So, “Margo”, if that is your real name, I ask: who are you? What are you hiding? I’ll tell you right now, I got no skeletons in my closet (they were stolen when some scientists broke into my apartment). Here is a list of things I have hidden in the past about which I'm happy to come clean:

Gummi Bears in my pocket (to get into a movie)
Sour Patch Kids in my purse (to get into a movie)
A boy in my trunk (weren’t enough seatbelts)
My face (from someone I knew on the bus)
My true feelings about Tina Fey
How much a shirt cost (I hid that from myself)
Root beer in my jacket (to get into a movie)

Now Margo, maybe I’ve given you the courage to look in the mirror and face yourself.

You get more bang for your buck on candy at Walgreen’s,