Untertainment Weakly (10-26-12)

By Jake

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be returning to the role of “Conan the Barbarian,” this time portraying him as a man dying of deflated roid muscles.

Ryan Gosling has mercifully decided not to star in a remake of “Logan’s Run.”

Taylor Swift sold a million copies of her new record.  It is actually pretty good.

“Elementary,” “Arrow” and “Vegas” have received full season orders.

“Paranormal Activity 5” is happening.  Get ready for more watching people sleep.

Louis C.K. is hosting the November 3rd episode of “SNL.”

There is probably going to be a “Family Circus” movie.  It just got screenwriters.  Sounds like a great fucking idea!

Matthew Perry Watch

Jennifer Aniston is no longer close “Friends” with Matthew Perry.  She has turned down numerous pleas to guest star on “Go On.”  Hang in there, Matty!

Movies I Watched in the Last Month

Spring Breakdown 5/10 Parker Posey, Rachel Dratch and Amy Poehler play a trio of mid-30 dorks that go to spring break to keep tabs on a senators daughter and cut loose.  Sometimes funny, mostly not.

Tweets of the Week

If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
— Adolf (@its_AdolfHitler) October 20, 2012

Debate drinking game: every time someone fails to acknowledge the long term structural decline of the US, arm yourself and move to a cabin.
— glenn (@glenn_ebooks) October 22, 2012

Romney says drones are needed to fertilize The Queen and to hang out around hive. He thinks we’re talking about bees! Unbelievable.
— glenn (@glenn_ebooks) October 23, 2012

Can't wait until January 7th when Bunheads comes back and my life once again has meaning.
— jakefm (@jakefm) October 26, 2012

Sext: Gallagher smashes your privates with the sledge-o-matic, coating plastic wrap with your liquid orgasm.
— jakefm (@jakefm) October 25, 2012

Do you ever think it's weird that Brittany Murphy never lived in a world without Blockbuster?
— Amber Kenny (@amber_kenny) October 22, 2012

Glass breaking sound... Holy shit... STONE COLD IS ON STAGE. STONE COLD STEVE AUDTIN JUST CAME OUT AT THE #DEBATE FUCK YES HOLY SHIT
— ryan woodsmall (@rwoodsmall) October 23, 2012

Obama and Romney are just endlessly vomiting out of voids that were once their faces did they piss off a starchild at some point?
— a love-shy teen (@bryanrh) October 23, 2012

reminder that an act of necrophilia occurs in the film “weekend at bernie’s” and that it is played for laughs and as a positive experience.
— a love-shy teen (@bryanrh) October 20, 2012

unless you made it yourself, you're fucking it, or it's all covered in gross mold & bugs, i don't really want to see a picture of your food.
— ryan woodsmall (@rwoodsmall) October 24, 2012

The speech bubble of a ghost is also a ghost
— Patricia Lockwood (@TriciaLockwood) October 24, 2012

A version of"The Land Before Time" where instead of falling into an earthquake the dinosaurs fall into the crags of Samuel Beckett's face
— Patricia Lockwood (@TriciaLockwood) October 21, 2012

Song of the Week