By Glenn and Jake
Between the hit movie “Social Network” and the hit application Farmville,
you cannot ignore Facebook anymore. OYIT has been the #1 site on the
web for investigating Facebook, with our quaintly anachronistic Myspace vs. Facebook debate, a take down of the redesigned Facebook and our compilation of testimonials.
The decision to leave Facebook is the third most important decision an
internet user can make, behind whether to join in the first place and
what picture to use on your Classmates.com profile. As the Facebook
exile community grows, what will come of it and should more people join?
Will it thrive, like the Armenian exiles of Southern California? Or
become a monster itself, like the state of Israel? Read on and find
This debate hits very close to home for me and not just because I grew
up in Palo Alto, California. Just last week I decided, seemingly out of
the blue, to deactivate my Facebook. Ostensibly it was to help me be
more productive at work but anyone who has access to my private
LiveJournal knows that my issues with Facebook as a company and some
aspects of online social networking have been growing stronger with
every update. The Facebook privacy regulations are insulting and on the
rare times it comes down on the right side of a legislative issue, it’s
mostly by accident or narrow minded self preservation (like the Chamber
of Commerce opposing House GOP efforts to kill the American Community
Survey part of the US Census). There’s also the issue of how the site
takes over every single aspect of your personality and traps you in a
world wide web of alienation. Facebook ruined my
You say that Facebook ruined your life, but anybody that has been
intimate with you for as many years as I have knows that your life was
ruined before Mark Zuckerberg even had the idea to steal the idea of
Facebook. Facebook is a fun way to stay in touch with people without
having to directly interact with them. Out of my 128 Facebook friends, I
could delete all but 15 and would still get the same amount of comments
and likes as I do currently. Yet, I refuse to delete my Facebook
account for no reason like Glenn. And we all know that Glenn will be
back. This is not the first time Glenn has “quit” Facebook, nor will it
be the last. When you quit Facebook, Glenn, you are being a dick. You
send me links on Twitter (over 3,000 followers, @jakefm), which I get
Tweets sent to my phone, and I do not have a data plan and cannot visit
the link without going into the ugly, shitty Twitter site. Nor can I
post links to your Facebook wall now that you have no Facebook. It is
quite perturbing. Get back on Facebook, bro. We need you there.
I apologize to our readers. I did not mean to turn this debate into a
psychoanalysis of why I personally chose to left Facebook except
inasmuch as my experience mirrors the universal human experience. Jake
says this is not the first time I have “quit” Facebook and I disagree.
In the past 8 years of joyous ups and downs - including numerous
overalls of the site, changed relationship statuses and finding my birth
parents - I never actually deactivated my account. But making the
decision to do so now feels different than the times I even previously
considered it. We can all agree that those cartoonish villains who
perpetually deactivate (whether for academic or NBA finals) and then
return are worthy of scorn. I hope to not become those people, but I
can see their origin stories in myself. Deactivating your Facebook can
be the most liberating experience outside of the Iraqi peoples’ in 2003.
Maybe my esteemed debate partner should threaten those 113 friends who
pay him no mind and then go through with a deactivation to make them
feel the pain he does every day.
Deactivating your Facebook account is worse than the people who still
don’t have a Facebook in 2012. Not having a Facebook is like not having
a TV, it is just something people can be smug assholes about during a
day-to-day conversation. We get it, you live an alternative lifestyle!
Now it is time to come into the real world where we spend all of our
extra money on Farmville and we watch reruns of “All That” whenever Nick
decides to add them to the schedule. Where else are we going to see a
little girl do an impression of Ross Perot? Facebook is a very
satisfying experience. It allows you to see pictures of beautiful women
and men you were afraid to converse with in high school in a swimsuit
situation. How many of us can claim that we have not masturbated to
Facebook photos of our friends? I know Glenn cannot make such a
ludicrous claim. I certainly cannot. I believe that when it is time
for Glenn to crank one out he will return to Facebook, with fleshlight
Any movie after 10pm on the Oxygen, We, or Lifetime cable channels
gives me more than enough material, but I’m glad you brought this up.
Did you know that Facebook claims property rights to the “swimsuit
pictures” and anything else you upload to your photo albums? Imagine
them using a picture of you simulating fellatio on a statue in a new
advertising campaign for Facebook+. Or giving over your message history
to the FBI without a warrant? “Not in my America!” you claim, thinking
our legal and constitutional provisions protect your privacy. Your
America is dead, your government is in shambles and Facebook is now the
third most populous country in the world (behind China and India).
Unlike those countries, however, Facebook is not a democracy. It is a
benevolent dictatorship run by borderline autistic and even more
borderline Jewish Mark Zuckerberg. So we leave, because that’s what
people do when they’re trapped in authoritarian states. Those who stay
end up dead... or Vaclav Havel.
Facebook is fine. Your claim that Facebook has “property rights” to
the photos is untrue. You maintain ownership of the photos of yourself
holding a camera up high and taking a photo of your face/cleavage.
Facebook’s photo rights has more to do with reposting the photos across
feeds, not sharing them with third parties. Even with your made up
points, I still think you are fighting a losing battle. Frankly, it
would be nice if you were on Facebook merely for One Year in Texas.
While you were “liking” and sharing articles, our readership was higher
than it currently is. Everybody on Facebook should be “liking” OYIT
articles, but this just isn’t the case. A very small minority likes the
posts on Facebook, although many like them on here, which we greatly
appreciate. What I don’t appreciate is Glenn seemingly bailing on
Facebook and One Year in Texas. Glenn is a real piece of shit.