Fart Sketch

By Jake

[Employees shuffle in.]

Sheryl: I'm excited for this presentation. I've never met the CEO. What's he like?

Will: He does a solid presentation, but you gotta be careful around this guy. He's a bit of a hard ass, pardon the language.

Thomas: oh definitely. I heard that he fired a guy for farting.

Sheryl: For farting?

Thomas: it was at a Chillis.

Sheryl: A waiter?

Thomas: No, he can't fire a waiter at a place he doesn't work. It was Bob Fresno. He invited him to lunch. Made him order 3 plates of beans, too. Fired him for farting.

Will: I heard it was because he didn't wipe.

Sheryl: You're supposed to wipe?

Thomas: Not unless it's wet. And I heard this was real dry.

Will: Bob had some of the driest ones I ever heard. He farted like he was in the vacuum of space.

Sheryl: Wow.

Thomas: The guy slipped up. He's not the only one either.

Will: Remember Seth Harding? From accounting?

Thomas: Of course. Good guy.

Will: Yeah, a great guy. He got fired for farting at a party.

Sheryl: Boulder fired him at a party for farting?

Thomas: It was his party, too. Seth’s.

Will: He went to the bathroom to do it. He wiped. Washed his hands. Sanitizer. Everything. Still got fired for farting.

Sheryl: That is crazy.

Thomas: Boulder lost a lot of money in the market crash. Fired his investor.

Sheryl: For farting?

Thomas: No. For losing all that money. That one was justified, I guess.

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No Mothers (A Short Play)

By Jake

Martel, Tyler, Don and Leo stand in a circle in Freedom Park, a small park in the center of town.

Tyler: Man...your mama is so fat...

Martel: (Cuts him off) Yo, you know my mama is dead.  No mothers.

Tyler: All right, all right.  Your father is so...

Don: (Cuts him off)  Hey, my father just left my family.  No fathers, a'ight?

Tyler: Okay, okay.  That's cool, man.  (Thinks.)

 Don: Yo, I got it.  I got it.  Your preacher is so gay--

Martel: (Cuts him off) Hey man, I'm an atheist.

Don: (Aggravated) Cool, cool.  Hmmm...

Martel: Your sister is so loose--

Tyler: (Cuts him off) I ain't got no sister.

Martel: Shit...you guys wanna go to Hardee's and get a Thickburger or some shit?

Don: Yeah, that's cool, man.

The End.

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Transformers: A Conversation

By Jake 

Jerry and Lance sit in a fairly deserted hotel lobby at three in the morning. They spent the night at a bar across the street. They are in town for a self-help seminar on increasing your luck, which is a scam.



Jerry: Hey, buddy, did you see that Transformers movie? You know, Dark of the Moon. It was pretty good, you know.

Lance: You mean “Darkside of the Moon.

Jerry: Nah, that’s not what I meant. No side in it. So did you see it? Lots of people seeing it.

Lance: Eh, I’m not into cars, really. I take public transportation, ride my bike or walk. Not really that into cars.

Jerry: Man, it’s not about the cars. Yeah, they’re cars, but you’re missing the whole point. They are giant robots! They fight each other!

Lance: Eh, they’re cars. I’m just not interested.

Jerry: I...I just...don’t understand. It’s robots...they fight. It has nothing to do with cars.

Lance: Yeah it does. The robots are cars. People drive them. Then they turn into robots, which is fine and all, but they’re still cars. I don’t like cars.

Jerry: All right. I’m going to bed. See you at the seminar tomorrow.

Lance: Goodnight.

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Coffee Wakes Me Up! : A short play

By Scott



Characters: Landy and Trish. They are both 29 years old. Landy is a boy, Trish is a girl.

Show opens with Landy and Trish sitting down at a small table in a Starbucks-esque cafe. They both have paper cups filled with hot coffee. Landy is wearing a scarf and Vans sneakers. Trish just took off her scarf. She is wearing Chuck Taylors, she also has thick legs.


Landy: (yawning) Oh dear God. What time is it now?

Trish: (looks at her watch) It's 7.

Landy: Human beings shouldn't be up this early, and neither should I!

Trish:(laughs) As if you aren't human. Uhhh, I'd believe that!

Landy: I'm from a different planet. One where everybody gets to sleep all the fucking day!

Trish: Uhh, I'd visit that planet!

Landy: I hate you for being so chipper at this time of day.

Trish: Oh trust me, I should be a zombie right now. Thanks to this coffee, I'm able to function.

Landy: You had a head start?

Trish: Two cups before I even met you here!

Landy: Lucky. (sips coffee) Ahhh. Sweet exlicer - be in me!

Trish: Landy, you are too much.

Landy: Coffee is the one and only reason why I'm still on the fence about whether or not God exists. Coffee and scarves.

Trish: When it opens, we should check out that new art museum that also sells vinyl records.

Landy: Me need more coff-coff first.

Trish: (laughs) Coff-Coff! Is that the language you speak on your planet?

Landy: Yes. (shares laughter with Trish) My name is Landy.

Trish: We are wearing scarves.

Landy and Trish: Coffee wakes us up!

Lights dim.

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