Showing posts with label World Post. Show all posts
Showing posts with label World Post. Show all posts

World Post - Persistently Confused Edition


By Bub






An elderly woman from Flagstaff held a protest in Washington D.C. this week under the mistaken belief that President Obama had outlawed the state of Arizona.






Actor/director Clint Eastwood was terrified to find himself in a stadium full of foul-mouthed, angry, black men.







Spectators laugh as the sole equine detainee at Guantanamo Bay stomps out a desperate request for transfer to the local glue factory after her 10th habeus corpus petition was denied by the U.S. Supreme Court.







As per request, President Bill Clinton was formally presented with every attendee of the annual Clinton Global Initiative forum to passionately kiss.







American advisors solicit feedback from an Afghan trainee on how best to secure the country.







Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez dons boxing gloves to prevent knuckle-wear as he pummels the faces of political opponents who are tied to trees in a Caracas neighborhood.







Pop icon Madonna accidentally outed President Barack Obama as a 'black Muslim' this week while endorsing his candidacy at a concert in Washington D.C.  This information was revealed in secret to her and other attendees of a recent meeting of the Liberal Elite Cabaal held at the mansion of George Soros and his gay partners William Ayers and the real Osama bin Laden.

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                           Screen-testing for the 'Wayne's World' reboot, above, "dismal".






Mitt Romney unveiled his 'Plan for a Stronger Middle Class'.  At a rally in Toledo he declared, "I believe in an America where we can demarcate a middle class through a system of intricate skull measurements regardless of personal income relative to top earners."






World leaders pleaded for action Tuesday at U.N. headquarters to stop the massacre of Syrians by the Assad regime which has so far claimed nearly 30,000 lives.







The Elders of Zion issued their annual Protocols this week, seen here honoring the producers of the controversial film 'Innocence of Muslims'.







NFL strike-breaking referees made an errant, game-deciding ruling on Monday, spurring calls to end the practice of remote refereeing professional football games from a thousand miles away by men with clinically diagnosed vision impairment.


















The World Post - Illinois Primary Edition

By Bub 



Mitt Romney tried to relate to voters in Chicago yesterday by relaying the anecdote about the time he ate a hot dog.




Taking a cue from the success of the Kony 2012 viral internet video, Lana Del Rey has changed her name to Lana Del Genocide.




Rick Santorum doubled down on his controversial stance on women's reproductive rights by unveiling his plan to require women to care for their aborted fetuses until the time when they would have reached the age of eighteen.




Newt Gingrich appealed to Peoria voters ahead of today's Republican primary in Illinois, promising manufacturing companies a tax credit for every Palestinian home their equipment is used to destroy.




British Parliament held a special election this week voting Meryl Streep the U.K.'s first foreign national Prime Minister.




Gen. James Mattis, commander of American forces in the Middle East, lost in thought about the one honor that has escaped him - the love of his father.




Tim Geitner stunned journalists at a press conference Monday by detailing how the U.S. Treasury Department orchestrated the September 11th attacks.




Mike Daisey admitted to lying in his exposé on working conditions in computer manufacturer Apple's factories in China. The Chinese government set the record straight explaining that there were no underage workers in Chinese factories, no workers were poisoned by manufacturing chemicals, and that technically China didn't even exist.




James Brown was arrested in Mauritania over the weekend on a warrant issued from the International Criminal Court for war crimes committed in Libya.




Finally, murder was legalized last week in the State of Florida.

The World Post: World Gone Wrong




By Bub 





Goodluck Jonathan was sworn in as Nigeria’s president today by Nigerian Supreme Court Justice, Rick James.






Sandwiches were in the news again today. What were they up to this time? Murder.






The sole surviving Mumbai attacker was sentenced to death today. Seen here an Indian official holds up a promotional poster for a Bollywood musical depicting today’s decision.






Lawrence Taylor was arrested for rape this week. Fans everywhere were shocked that a deranged crack-head could do such a thing.






This guy said society was ‘turning pedophile’. He commonly refers to his penis as ‘society’.






This lady is lamenting the loss of time she spent sewing tea bags to her hat instead of visiting her dying mother.






Fascism is on the rise again, this time in China.






Riots broke out in Greece this week when some guy bumped into him getting off the bus.






Taliban fighters at a May Day potluck.






Elisabeth Hasselbeck was in the news this week for being jealous of Erin Andrews for getting raped.






In China, executions are so common they even occur in public restrooms.






UK elections happened this week. Why are these guys smiling? The Conservative candidate David Cameron, pictured middle, is smiling because his party won a plurality of seats in the House of Commons. The other two – consolation blow jobs.

The World Post, New Millenium Edition

By Bub 


John Gosselin was in the news this week, seen here attending the Down-Syndrome Elvis Convention in Branson, Missouri.



Republican Senate candidate in Illinois, Andy Martin, accused his main opponent Mark Kirk of being a homosexual. Martin then went on to declare his opponent an advanced degree-holder and a non-racist.



Here is a recent photo of attempted terrorist Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab. The FBI wanted to put Abulmutallab on the no-fly list prior to the infamous incident based on a new but until then unproven theory - 'terrorists don't iron'. Once again civil liberties groups sided with the terrorists.



Barack Obama tries to convince Taye Diggs to serve as Secretary of Sexiness.



Levi Johnston explains why he loves the band Journey so much while Bristol Palin glances past him to a 'Don't Tread On Me' flag waving Ted Nugent.



Former Congressman Mark Foley was asked this week his thoughts on the Republican alternative to health care reform. After several attempts, Foley finally took his chin from his hand, shook himself out of a daze and replied, "Where are the unattended gay children?"



A baby learned this week why American President Jesus called her Daddy up to the big battle in the sky. When told Jesus was born in Israel not America the mother demanded to see His birth certificate.




Tyra Banks said goodbye to daytime TV this week. "She'll be missed" said Sports Illustrated from fifteen years ago.



Vladimir Putin emerged from his underwater catacomb upon learning of a nearby Jonas Brothers concert.



Lady Gaga implores a new generation to not be deceived by the pseudoscience of chiropractic practitioners. "I may have a Poker Face, but I cannot hide my disdain for the dubious medical benefits afforded by chiropractic treatment."



Iranian dissidents took to the street this week during the holy day Ashura. Demonstrators can be seen here defiantly protesting burning-street-garbage.



Charlie Sheen was arrested for domestic violence this week which tied in with a recent Two and a Half Men story line where Sheen teaches his nephew why women are worthless and worthy of physical violence.



And finally Tiger Woods is good at golf and devastated by his personal failings in his family life. What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa Claus' life isn't ruined by visiting every woman's bedroom in one night. But in case that was too much of a groaner, the real difference: Santa Claus is a eunuch. He has no genitalia to perpetrate adultery with.