Showing posts with label racism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label racism. Show all posts

The Singularity

By Jake Merch

Nobody will argue with you when you say that the singularity is imminent. Sure, you might be standing on a milk crate on a corner downtown, using a makeshift megaphone made out of newspaper you pulled out of a trashcan to preach. And sure, to most people that might wreak of insanity. Yet, that does not make the points you're barking invalid. It just makes them louder. And it makes people avoid eye contact with you, although that is a sign of autism spectrum disorder.


The singularity-- the moment when machines become more intelligent than humans-- is coming folks. That seems impossible, right? Surely there is no indicator of human idiocy. There's not a troll running for president tricking people into voting for him through hypnotically terrible hair and hate speech lifted directly from Adolf Hitler (a notorious jerk). Clearly, we are maintaining a superior level of intelligence. The kind of smarts it takes to respond to mass pollution and the change in climate that it causes. Or at least we have the brains to deny it all because it's easier and there's so many dating competition shows to watch and blog about.

What should we do if the singularity dawns? We do what humans always do when confronted: we get racist, then violent. Racism is the heat source that boils into violence. That violence could even be throwing boiling water in the face of our enemy. Usually it's a bit more hamburgery than that, but there are no rules when it comes to violence.

I have come up with a few racist things we can call robots: clink clanks and bleep bloops. And when you see a group of clink clanks clattering down the street, you can nudge your buddy with your elbow and say, "Looks like the circuit's in town." That's just a jump off point. As the bleep bloop overlords over take humanity with their cold metal fists, we will surely get more desperate and therefore more racist. Yet, you cannot get to that level of racism until you are truly under the threat of oppression.  Like how cops must feel when they see a black teen eating ice cream at an honor society meeting.

Feel free to leave a comment telling how you would be racist toward a robot. 


Visit Great Grass America Amusement Theme Park!



By Hot Rod 


Here at Great Grass America Amusement Theme Park, the kids can enjoy grass related amusement rides such as 'The Lawnmower', 'The Waterhose' and the 'Role in the Hay' (warning all rides only for those 18 years of age or older).

You can experience the hands on history of lawn maintenance at the exhibit 'A History of Lawnmowers', narrated by Viggo Mortensen, which starts with a single flint stone, and chattel Jew slaves; and ends with the Deluxe John Deere Lawnmaster and your choice of Guatemalan or Nicaraguan day laborers.

From there you can proceed to the 'Grass of the Future' exhibit which begins in the near distant future - 2016 - where grass has become enslaved by the soaring defecit and overly-burdensome tax code, not to mention Obamacare. Grass no longer has the will to grow and instead uses its fertilizer to get high and lay around until it collects its next stimulus check and gets AIDS to be cared for by the taxpayer. In 2020, grass rallies behind Sarah Palin's vision of America, and becomes re-energized by free market forces and is now taller, whiter, and blonder than ever. Grass lives happily ever after in gated communities for the next thousand years. In the year 3020 the Great Grass Wars between the gaseous grass from Neptune and the patriotic grass of Earth wipes out half of Earth's human population and nearly 30,000 blades of grass. In the year 911911 grass finally recovers from heartache. And finally in the year 10,000,000 the world as we know it no longer exists. The universe has expanded and retracted until it collapsed back into the single blade of grass that we all came from in the Big Bang.

After you have been electrified by the history - past - and future - of all things grass, you can visit our famous Grass Orchard where we have over 7 kinds of grass. There you will find regular grass, crab grass, blue grass, four kinds of invisible grass, and pure race grass - the grass for racists. You may notice that the latter populates most of the grounds of the park. That's right nigger, stay off the lawn.

If you are famished or parched, visit the Grass Orchard Cafe where we feature an entire menu made from grass. You can have your favorite cud sandwich, freshly chewn; un baguette du catalan made with grass flour and fertilizer; and for the vegetarian try our Peter The Great grass salad featuring three types of grass from the Former Yugoslavian Republic of Macedonia, ferungeek, and a delicate soy-sheep's-blood vinaigrette. Top it off with a grass flavored Diet Coke or Shasta!

At the end of your day of fun you have the exciting option of either accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour or becoming a piece of lawn yourself by way of our Grassifying Modulater 5000, equipped with 5000 Japanese blades worthy of heathen pulverizing!

I'm sure after your visit to Great Grass America, you'll have been entertained, you'll know a little more about grass, and you'll know a whole lot more about love and/or being liquefied by a giant blender.

Good Morning Hurricanes!

By Stephen 

This week marks the 5th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. For the families and friends of those who were affected by the tragedy (or by the federal government's grossly fumbled response) this is a time of remembrance and deservedly bitter reflection. But for the conservative racists of America, Hurricane Katrina forever laid bare the savage, depraved nature of an impoverished minority, fomenting and entrenching that deep-seeded prejudice against blacks that festers within so much of our white-bread citizenry. Despicable. Yet, in the wake of Katrina, New Orleans was rife with looters and some crazy shit DID go down in the Superdome. Like this:

"And the cats shall lay down with the dogs..."

Like in the fucking Book of Revelations! Even more terrifyingly prophetic was this:

An actual photo from the Superdome.

That's right - a cat found the one white baby in the whole dome and LAID with it. God's judgment? Nope! According to the ASPCA and many Saints fans, these kinds of things were happening in the Superdome long before it became home to Katrina refugees.

Today's Weather Forecast

Thankfully for Bermuda, Hurricane Danielle (above) has been downgraded from a hurricane to a Category I storm. But Bermudans aren't off the hook. A Category I storm may not incite apocalyptic wonders like a hurricane, but things will get very, very wet and looters will still be shot on sight.

Today's Anti-Hero

Roland J. Bourgeois, Jr. "The Bernie Goetz of New Orleans"

In the wake of Katrina, this man stood at the end of his block with a shotgun and told his neighbors that "Anything darker than a paper bag coming up this street is getting shot." And sure enough, he shot three black men coming up his street. He's just now going to trial for these hate-crimes and, despite his innocent plea, ought to be convicted and sent to prison. Just goes to show that racially-motivated vigilantism is never OK. (Other forms of vigilantism however, such as in the Death Wish saga, are acceptable.)

Music Video of the Day

Here's the famed Fred Coscia, co-host of the Staten Island Comedy Show, performing the song "Hurricane" - which may or may not be related to Hurricane Katrina. Have a great day!

Debate: Who is the Most Racist Character on Friends

By Glenn and Jake



Most good debates start out with a shocking proposition to grab the reader's attention and produce enough conflict to sustain a prolonged discussion. This one shall be no different: Friends, during its ten year run, was the best show on television. What made it so good? It was the writing, the set pieces and how much money the actors were paid per episode (which seemed like a lot at the time but wouldn't even cause most financial executives to bat an eye now). The only flaw in the show was the undercurrent of racism that flowed through the streams of the many marriages, crazy situations and season finales of those wonderful ten years. This begs the question of who the most racist character on Friends actually was. The only black character on the show, played by Aisha Tyler, dated both Ross and Joey. This gets them off the hook and leaves a thoughtful discussion to decide amongst Rachel, Monica, Phoebe and Chandler who was the most racist Friend.


Jake: I am not as familiar with this TV program as Glenn, but I have still seen a huge chunk of the episodes, even some toward the end with Paul Rudd. I think it is easy to exclude Joey and Ross, since they both dated Talk Soup's Aisha Tyler. On top of that, Ross also dated an Asian woman, when Rachel was about to tell him she has similar feelings for him at that airport. This leaves Monica, Rachel, Phoebe and Chandler. I would exclude Monica because she was never actively upset while Ross was dating more ethnic people. Now we know who isn't racist, but we are still left to wonder who is the most racist. This is where Glenn's expertise of Friends will trump my lesser knowledge of the show.

Chandler, as far as I know, never actively showed any racism. Yet, he did occasionally come off as homophobic because his father was a transvestite, which left him emotionally scarred. This perhaps opens him up to being a racist, but that's not for me to say. Phoebe and Rachel come from very different backgrounds. Rachel is a rich white woman who left her orthodontist fiance at the alter. Phoebe comes from a more impoverished upbringing and is more of a free spirit than Rachel. I would have to lean toward Rachel being the most racist, yet that is founded with a lack of any evidence. I would have to say, as of this point I am on the line between the two female characters. Let's see what Glenn has to say.

Glenn: The way Jake systematically analyzes the racial progressivity of these characters belies a crucial understanding of these Friends and life in general. Of course it's easy to label Rachel as the most racist and I don't necessarily disagree. After all, she's from the wealthiest background and has never shown any interest in social justice or cultures other than her own. Unlike certain writers on this website, I don't want to draw the conclusion of racism from her lack of black friends. If I were to label Rachel the most racist it would have to be because of the episode where she expresses support for David Duke's 1996 US Senate run in Lousiana - "The One At the Big Easy" - and her aforementioned ignorance on diversity issues. She, after all, hired good looking assistant Tag instead of numerous other qualified minority candidates.

None of this is to say Rachel is clearly the most racist. Jake is right in that Chandler never showed any racism. Why I posit he might be the most racist Friend is something that hits closer to home. Other than Ross's passion for science, evolution and need to be right, I find myself relating to Chandler the most of all the characters. If Chandler is me - MINUS the liberal transformation and sociology background from ages 17-20 - he might also have the complex feelings about race that I once did. I'm not admitting that I ever wrote letters to James Earl Ray in prison, just that once while driving during broad daylight in Harlem, NY with my father he told us all to "lock our doors." This "fear of all blacks" mentality, in someone else's life (ie Chandler's), might just produce some honest to goodness racism.

Jake: One point can be made about Rachel not being racist. She dated the ethnic Paolo in season 1 and in an episode of season 2. No matter how many searches I do on Google I cannot find where Paolo is from, but it's possibly somewhere in South America. In a particularly hard-hitting episode Paolo goes to Phoebe to get a massage. While getting the massage, Paolo got a boner, which is natural even if it was from Lisa Kudrow. Phoebe was absolutely disgusted by Paolo's throbbing member. The question is: was she disgusted because he was having a fling with Rachel or because he is not quite white. I would say it's a combination of the two. No matter how liberal Phoebe seems (even going as far as carrying her brother's babies as a surrogate mother) this simple moment looms over her head like a halo made out of racism. I say that Phoebe is the most racist Friends character.

Glenn: I totally get where Jake is coming from by thinking Phoebe is the most racist character. Think about her biggest interests: massaging, not believing in evolution, psychics and playing the guitar. None of these things have any place in black culture. It can't be a mistake that she decides to devote her life to things that have no relevance to other races. What we've all forgotten about in this debate is Monica! Jake dismissed Monica at the beginning because she was comfortable with Ross dating an Asian and a black woman. This was part of Monica's plan to be considered racially progressive, no doubt. But what of her feeling towards the Palestinians and possibly Arabs in general? Judging by her TV father Elliot Gould and her obsession with money, we can suspect that Monica is probably Jewish. Though she never outright said it, we have to assume that as a Northeastern Jew with little concern for people of other races or ethnicities that she doesn't care about the plight of the Palestinian people. If she indeed supports the Israeli occupation of Palestine, the mass slaughter of innocent civilians in Gaza, Lebanon, et cetera, than she truly is the biggest racist of them all. Once you dehumanize an entire group of people you cease your claim as a moral member of our society.

Jake: I think we can wrap this "debate" up. When we began this, we knew it was going to be different from the previous debates. It really was a discussion more than an argument. Some may argue that we could have easily turned this into an article instead of our weekly featured debate. Those people may just be right. What we can learn from this is that Phoebe is the most racist character on the "must-see" tv show Friends, yet there may be some questions in regard to Monica's racial acceptance. Even with the questions posed by Glenn's last point about Monica, I think we can still agree that Phoebe is more racist than her. I also believe we can all agree that the entire TV show is essentially racist for taking place in New York and not featuring any cast members or reoccurring characters, minus Aisha Tyler, that are not white. Even Martin had White Mike.

Next week we're going to pick a more hot button topic, so if you have any suggestions, make sure to leave a comment. Even if you don't have suggestions leave us a comment and give us some validation. That validation is the only thing keeping the gun out of our mouths.

Help Me become Dr. Heather

By Heather Joy

One Year in Texas will always be an unsightly blemish upon my permanent record. I will most likely pick at it profusely until it leaves a severe scar rendering me unrecognizable as the person I once was. Yet, I also believe that OYIT is capable of good things too! I am trying to churn out a publishable paper for an academic journal in sociology, but I will need your guys' help on specific topic. Peruse through the following ideas and let me know what you think!


Mulatto: Ice Cream Flavor or Pejorative? The Art of Appropriating Lost Words.

Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, and way too much PDA: Strategies of Inter-Species Dating among Chubby Chasers and Plumpers

But I have a MAC!: The Limits of PC Language within a Fraternity Setting

"No Homo" and Misplaced Anxiety: Rappers and the lil' Dick Phenomenon

Public Perceptions of Assertive Women in Politics; Or, Hilary didn't lose because she's a woman, she lost because she's a man!

Thesis schmeesus

But I was Sleep-Walking!: Even MORE Ridiculous Justifications of Rape. Like, really guys? WTF.

Sarcasm as a Compensation Strategy among Young Women with Low Self-Esteem… Because I really do give a flying fuck.

From Ghetto to Grotto: The 99 Other Problems that Plague Jay-Z , such as outdoor plumbing.

What's with all these FB Notes? And, I don't have time for this shit!: The Newest Trend on Facebook that is Equally Self-Indulgent and Pedestrian

"First day of school five years from now"

By Nate

Today I received an email from my mom with a political cartoon in it. It looked like this:


I found this to be racist. My mom did not.



At this point I know you're all thinking, "wasn't Nate's last article kinda racist with that tar baby joke, and how can we trust him to judge racism?" Well do not worry: I have since re-calibrated my "race-ometer" due to the outcry over that article. To prove my point I will now post the subsequent correspondence between my mom and me.

Now to set this up, my mom is to racial slurs as Caitlin's mom is to technology. Two years ago I had to explain to her that "Jew down" and "got gypped" were racial slurs. I quickly replied to this email saying it was racist.

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From: Sheri

To: Nate

It is not! How many kids were named after presidents? Thousands! It is just an observation made into a cartoon! Lighten up....

From: Nate

To: Sheri

Yes, thousands have been named after Reagan, but that's only one I can think of that's not an average name that you've seen more since someone with that name was elected president.

Also, those kids were just named Reagan with no "prefix" or "suffix" like the cartoonist puts on the derivatives of Barack and Obama. That implies that those kids are black because of the unique names that African-Americans come up with for their kids that are derivatives from older names (example: Tamia instead of Tamila.)

I'm going to look at the social security administration website now to see if newly elected president's names actually moved up or appeared in the top 100 male and female names the year after they were elected.

From: Sheri

To: Nate

I think you've been sick and shut in too long....take some Tylenol and relax.
But I am curious about what you find out...

From: Nate

To: Sheri

i googled the the cartoon and found that it was drawn by an african-american cartoonist who satirizes the black community. that confirms that it is racist.

I did a popularity search for Reagan over the last 40 years. After the president is elected it charts at 920. Then it doesn't make the top 1000 list again until 1993. Then it's popularity increases and becomes on of the top 250 most popular names since 2001. I would explain this by the youth turn out for Reagan in the 80s which was close to the youth turnout for Barack last year. He created a generation of conservatives who then had babies in the late 80s and 90s. In 2001 a lot of people thought Bush would reign in a new era of Reagan, but it also became a unisex name.

Kennedy did not make the top 1000 chart until 1994 when it debuted at 524. Since 2000 is has been one of the top 150 names. It should be noted that it is only a female name.

Lyndon goes from ranking 820 in 1958 to height of 347 in 1964 then becomes less popular and leaves the top 1000 names in 1970. I'm sure Vietnam had something to do with that. It made the top 1000 only a few times in the late 80s since then. Lyndon Jr's maybe?

Richard has steadily decreased in popularity since 1968 when it was ranking at #8 consistently. It doesn't look like Nixon had an effect on it. it's now #99.

James consistently ranked in the top 5 until 1980 when it started waning to the top ten. It's still in the top 15 today. Jimmy on the other hand may have seen a turn around in 1977 when it reversed it's unpopular trend and went from 101 to 98, but then back to 118 the next near. it is now at 333.

Walker becomes popular in 1988 and ranks around 500 (giver or take 100) through today. But was that popularity because of our 43rd and 41st presidents' middle names or because of the TV show Walker, Texas Ranger?

George has steadily decreased from the 30s in the 1950s to around the 150s today.

William was in the top ten in until the 70s, but has never left the top 20. It was at its lowest in 1992 and 1995 when it was at 20. it is back in the top ten today.

Jefferson has gone between 450 and 750 over the last 50 years with no real pattern.

Clinton was fairly popular peaking at 141 in 1983. Then in 1993 is falls from 211 to 316 and becomes more unpopular every year. It's now at 755.

So there you have it. A president's name doesn't always make it more popular, and sometimes it makes it less popular. you can see some correlation i guess.

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I hope this proves that I am no longer racist. I hope it also proves that the baby boomer's generation has no idea what is racist and what isn't (if you didn't all ready figure that out watching the coverage of Obama's election.)