Showing posts with label Haiku. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Haiku. Show all posts

Poetry Corner: Haikus (4-09-12)

By Jake



Longtime fans of One Year in Texas will know that I have written haikus many times in the past.  So, what better way to kick off our newest feature "Poetry Corner"?

What is the deal with
Michael Jordan’s mustache huh
Looks like Hitler’s right?

Mike Wallace is dead
The host of “60 Minutes”
We will miss this man

Do not ride your bike
It gives you prostate cancer
And you will def die

Rap songs about shoes
What could be more natural
Everybody wears shoes

Let’s watch Kazaam, dear
For our anniversary
Then we will have sex

“Stone Cold” Steve Austin
Was the stunning Ringmaster
Before he was cold

Glenn eats at Subway
Before ironing his shirts
Then reads Glenn Greenwald

Spud Webb starts his car
Drives to the mall for some food
The food court is great

Scientology
Religion or a huge cult
Xenu will tell you

Haikus

By Jake

A once unpopular feature here at OYIT was week in review haikus. This feature was so unpopular that my inbox was literally filled to the brim with hate emails urging me to stop. Well, I buckled faster than Carl Lewis in a seatbelt race. Yet, to make myself seem like I don't care what people say, even though I obviously do, I'm going to write some haikus anyway.


Jay Leno enters
His monologue always kills
Kevin Eubanks laughs

Every young girl loves
Jonathan Taylor Thomas
He IS Tiger Beat

I need to say this:
Rest in peace Pat Morita
You will be missed, sir

Mike Tyson bites ears
Sometimes a fan man enters
Controversial bouts

The Robinsons and
Dr. Smith, the stowaway
Are all Lost in Space

Milk milk lemonade
Let's go around the corner
That's where they make fudge

The Ninja Turtles
Live with their master, Splinter
Casey Jones hangs out

Let's play some Guess Who?
My guess is that it's Michael
Oh damn, it's Bernard

Grandmama is
The basketball player known
As Larry Johnson

If you have some subjects you'd like me to write a haiku on, please leave a comment. I can write them about anything, but have a hard time coming up with subjects on my own.


Haikus [2-15-09]

By Jake

I say 'Hi' that's cool
You want me to rap up the
Week then let's Haiku


Suzie throws slushy
Enhanced with energy at
The Homecoming Queen

Mailbag is back
To give answers to questions
It was delightful

Rihanna v. Brown
Brown punches her in the face
They both miss Grammys

Heather Joy needs help
Many topics for thesis
Which one do you choose?

Hi Katy will help
The downtrodden and losers
Turn their lives around

Read the dream journal
Everybody loves hearing
About other's dreams

Real Jew News is
This weeks in racism's subject
What will be the next?

Mikey's for things
Such as hamburgers may be
Poisonous to him

Glenn asks the question
"Are you 45 years old?"
Many say they are

Dick Butkus is not
As hip as Howie Long on
Jake's show 'Long Shoreman'

Titanic starring
Jesus and Julie's love, yet
It is still tragic

Hagraves is back with
The education of the
one called skinny Tom

What if, instead of
Rebooting, Jason
Sang Karaoke?

Heather Joy just wants
To get her ass eaten on
St. Valentine's Day

Bub writes a love note
To his wife, yet still makes a
Sonny Bono joke

Katy gathers some
Missed connections to help out
Some unlucky fools




Haikus [2-08-09]

Haikus [2-01-09]

Haikus [1-25-09]

By Jake

Once again I'm here
To deliver you haikus
About this week's posts

I am out of town
So if I miss a story
I appologize



Glenn wishes us a
Good morning everyday but
One day it was Jake

CAPTCHA images
Making it hard to sign-up
For e-mail and such

Secret shopper Bub
So many types of pet food
Free Carwash, no car

Josh steals some 40s
Hangs out with a man, Tyrell
And his old Lady

Antarctic Joke File
A South Pole TV network
Called the Ice Network

Web banners are new
Some are liked and some are not
Tina is nineteen

Google search results
NPR closing Gitmo
Terrorists are free

Coffee is bitter
Sometimes coffee is not right
Some coffee is good

Moses has twitter
Was he the first tar baby?
Some say yes, some no

Some Firefox add-ons
Much controversy is caused
Was it worth it? No.

Grave Digger crushes
Is Big Foot is a pussy?
Do you have to ask?

Facebook gay baiting
Perhaps revealing too much
Clean the gay off Bub

The new president
It is Obama you fool
Bush is gone...for now

Andre 3000
Orders way too much water
It is pretty cool

Don't frown when it's brown
You will look like a dumb clown
If white, take a bite

Mailbag starts anew
Real questions only this time
We answered them well

Toptenslut.com
You billed me poorly
Wife is so mad now

An ipod for mom
She is technology dumb
What is she to do?

Is Olive Garden
Panera? I would think now
Shakespeare was right there

Timothy Geithner
"Chinese currency has been
Manipulated"

Lou Gherig punches
So Pappy gets his gun out
World's greatest Grandpa

Scott is addicted
To Chocolate, but that is fine
He is not Cathy

I hate Tim McGraw
His song comes on my ipod
I love Tim McGraw

Tell Aron Ralston
About your vacation please
No body parts lost

Ryder Stronge milkshaked
Rick Rutherford lives on farm
Gun shots, cows did drop

Rick Rutherford's dream
Gasping for air, he wakes up
Shoots cans for fun

Yes, Hot Rod waxes
Poetic about honey
Sticky like your love

A Week in Review Through Haikus [1-18-08]

By Jake

As we all know, haikus are what Chinese people do instead of rapping. This is just another week in review of haikus. I promise no line of this will be as racist as the first sentence of this paragraph. Now, onto the fun.



You must be careful
When driving through the country
Avoid a ticket

Dean, your music is
Too loud. Through the walls I hear
Damn Radiohead

R.L. Stine's number
One fan in a performance
With Judith Light

George W. Bush
Interview transcript with Bub's
Cute daughter Iris

Your neck might be red
If you live in the South and
hate other races

Your neck might be red
If you murder animals
"God made them tasty"

Your neck might be red
If you believe N.P.R.
Is just for faggots

@God take a rest
@Adam don't eat apples
@Eve you are tricked

Hotel for Dogs stars
Hotel Rawanda's own Don
Cheadle. The same role

Lisa Kudrow and
Emma Roberts, Kevin
Dillon, Don Cheadle

Carl, Your Power Point
Presentation is pretty
Lackluster this time

Birds take down a plane
Hitchcockian disaster
Big Bird as Goebbels

Glenn says 'good morning'
Tells us about Blockbuster
Forgets the Lotto

Zack and Kelly's end
Jeff Hunter at the Attic
Kelly and Jeff's end

Zack and Kelly aren't
Saved by the Bell. It is not
All right, this happens

Circuit City closed
Best Buy is cheaper and gives
Me no vertigo

I buy Vertigo
From Best Buy, not from Circuit
City, it's cheaper

Bub takes the tram in
Australia, much craziness
Persists throughout trip

Dear Susan I'm dead
You accepted eggnog from
Greg. Egg on my face

More movies Brandon
Has not seen or heard of yet
He knows more than us

Tina made some
Banners for OYIT
Bub hates some of them

A Week in Review Through Haikus [1-11-09]

By Jake

A feature that I would like to keep up is a week in review told through the Chinese poetry known as the haiku. Don't get it confused with former WWF wrestler King Haku. Also, if you'd like to request subjects for haikus, feel free to email me at jake@oneyearintexas.com.



Steven Tyler, Man
Yes, Dude Looks Like a Lady
What a shitty song

Scarves tied to mic stands
Alicia Silverstone cries
Joe Perry solo

Living on the Edge
Eat the Rich, Angel, Crazy
All on Get a Grip

Kabuki makeup
Smeared on Steven Tylers' Face
I was left Cryin'

Did you know the band
Aerosmith are AKA
Bad Boys From Boston

From Mount Olympus
Zeus created Aerosmith
Thunder did rumble

Joe Perry standing
on train tracks, oh wait
maybe that was Slash

Joey Kramer drums
Tom Hamilton, Brad Whitford
They could die, who cares?

1972
The band Aerosmith signed to
Columbia Rec.

Demetrius and
Doolin smoke hitters. Oh shit
I see a cockroach

From 2002
Comes Aerosmith's #1 Fan
Liv Tyler will scream

O.J. Simpson Jokes
Kato Kaelin on the couch
Dancing Judge Itos

It's Andy Rooney
Angry about computers
Yes, he blames Bill Gates

Windows 2000
You might be a Juggalo
A correlation

Metamorphasis
Punch the rear view mirror off
It is Miller Time

Burrows versus Britt
Judge Judy lays down the law
Favors the plaintiff

Harry Reid: asshole?
Stop calling Obama a
Nigger, that is rude

Charles in Charge of
Of my days, nights, wrongs and rights
Buddy, the best friend

Pembrooks or Powells?
Charles is shocked to find that
He will make a choice

Is Ryan Gosling
As important to this blog
As it may seem? Yes.

Nicole Eggert and
Josie Davis are Powells
Gwendolyn Pierce

Rod Blagojevich
Is getting impeached for what?
Damn Re-Bum-licans

Bonus haikus:

Suck a Llama's dick
Headbutt by Wesley Willis
Rock on Chicago

Love Wesley Willis
Yes, Rock and Roll McDonalds
Rock on Chicago

Yes, Showbiz Pizza
Is Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza
Time Theatre now

Showbiz Pizza is
Where a kid can be a kid
Now Chuck E. Cheese's