Showing posts sorted by relevance for query jerry maguire week. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query jerry maguire week. Sort by date Show all posts

Debate: Is Jerry Maguire Week a Good Idea?

By Glenn & Jake 

Jerry Maguire week was born out of a joke and is the perfect example of how a joke can ruin you life.

Glenn: do you ever thoughtcatalog.com
Jake: haha i haven't. i'll look at it now.
is this a jerry maguire fan site? [Note: there was a picture of Tom Cruise as Jerry Maguire on the front page.]
Glenn: I wish!!
Jake: let's do a jerry maguire week on OYIT
i'll write an article about how renee zellwegger is the sexiest woman on earth
Glenn: haha
no one would read that
Jake: not even rz?

And thus, Jerry Maguire was unceremoniously born. Although I created it, I am 100% against its existence. Glenn, however, will not let it die. In this debate, we will try to figure out who is correct. If anybody will even bother reading any of the articles from Jerry Maguire week, or if we are just wasting our invaluable time.

Glenn: We haven't had a theme week on OYIT since the anniversary of the Challenger explosion. During that time we grappled with the memory of disaster and how to laugh in its face. Jerry Maguire was not a disaster but affected our lives more than the Challenger ever could, even if it went to space correctly and then came back. This is a movie that almost changed the face of cinema by launching Renée Zellweger's career, Cuba Gooding Jr's Oscar win and Facebook. Literally millions of people around the country were screaming "Show me the money!" and not just on the coasts but even in the Midwest, Mormon West, Great Plains and former slave-holding states of the Confederacy. Another catch phrase was "You had me at hello" but truth be told this was much more than a slogan to market on t-shirts. This was what movie audiences said to the film Jerry Maguire and what I hope our readers will say to us this week.

Jake: Jerry Maguire week is a terrible idea. Jerry Maguire is a movie from 1996 and I doubt anybody who reads this website even likes it very much. I do not like it. It is nothing more than a romantic comedy with a sports backdrop to trick men into watching it with their girlfriends, wives or gay lovers. "Show me the money!" is a catchphrase that is as grating as anything Austin Powers ever said, and thankfully, unlike those of Austin Powers, this catchphrase died a long time ago. Cuba Gooding Jr. recieved an undeserved Oscar, and you need to look no further than his entire filmography besides Jerry Maguire to come to that realization. Omar Gooding was more deserving of an Oscar win for his work on Wild 'n' Crazy Kids and Hanging with Mr. Cooper. This is going to be the week that chases off the 30 people that still make the time to read this website, although we put a lot of work into it. The people who don't read OYIT anymore are as dead as Jerry Maguire is to me.

Glenn: It sounds like you're bringing a lot of your emotional baggage into this debate, which as you know is against the rules. We are here to debate whether or not we should be having Jerry Maguire week, not whether your parents should have stayed married. I'll admit that Cuba Gooding Jr's performance in Snow Dogs was beneath his Oscar, but so was Jodie Foster's in the second Big Momma's House film. Should we take her Oscar away? Or Mel Gibson's, for being an incorrigible bigoted conservative? That is another debate. Think of how many people google "show me the money" every day, whether ironically or with the sincerely of Tom Cruise's speech to Renée Zellweger. Now think of what website they will be visiting: us. We lose too many "searchers" to IMDb and Wikipedia as it is, so why not chart a course that will direct people back to OYIT? Now we can and are.

Jake: Your point makes about as much sense as taking Bobby Fischer to a dinner for the Jewish Defence League. We will not be skimming any searchers away from IMDB or Wikipedia. Since when are you even worried about getting search hits? We did a debate about the "Ground Zero Mosque" and you entitled it instead with Park 51, a term for which nobody is searching. If we wanted search hits, we could have had "Lady Gaga Week" or "Liam Neeson's #1 Movie in America Week." "Show me the money!" is more outdated than your CD collection, which happens to feature many albums from the year this film was released, 1996. You are hoping that the readers or our site are as hopelessly naustalgic as you are, and I doubt that more than 75% of them are. I sincerely doubt there are millions of people searching for "Show me the money!" Maybe 15 a day.

Glenn: Your attempts to insult me by evoking the albums of 1996 [such as (What's the Story) Morning Glory?] are as transparent as mainstream conservatives bigotry towards Muslims during the Park 51 controversy. I didn't want to call it "ground zero mosque" because there are lines this website will not sink below. "Lady Gaga Week" would be beneath us, but Jerry Maguire is not. Enough time has passed since the movie was released that if we are to devote such time and attention to it, it is purely from love and a desire to bring in new readers. I actually checked Google's analytics in the United States and they claim that 14,357 people searched for "Show me the money!" yesterday - and that was on President's Day! Think about how high it will be on the anniversary of the movie's release or when Tom Cruise turns into pure energy.

Jake: I refuse to spend any extra time thinking about Jerry Maguire. Even having this debate has me filled with more rage than when Glenn finds out a Soul Asylum concert is sold out while trying to purchase tickets. Jerry Maguire is an okay movie, features a grating, overused catchphrase and undeservedly won an Oscar. If this is the criteria to get your own week on OYIT, then we might as well board up the windows, lock the doors, put a belt around our necks and masturbate furiously until all of the oxygen has left out lungs. Then we can go to Heaven and watch Jerry Maguire and listen to the albums of Soul Asylum on repeat. The End.

Check Out These other Debates
Is Poison Ivy 2 Worth Watching?
Should Park51 be Built on Ground Zero?
90s Music

New Mailbag

By Glenn and Jake 

We're back with another mailbag. These are our responses to letters you've sent in about topics as varied as Aerosmith and recidivism. Plus famous director Cameron Crowe wrote in this week! If you have any questions or very implicit death threats, please email us at mailbag@oneyearintexas.com.

Hey Website,
I spend a lot of my time on the internet, and out of all of the website that I’ve seen on it, yours is the only one that I has made me cry. Maybe I’m over-emotional, but I have have never cried at a funeral or during an anime movie. I cry at your website because you only post three articles a week and you used to post 14. When you posted 14 I cried because a lot of them were awful. Can you answer this question for me: am I a cry baby or is your website a real tear jerker and are you guys a bunch of tear jerks?

Still Sobbing,
Robert


Dear Robert,
Thanks for writing in. There’s nothing wrong with crying. In fact I often find myself crying from art but never because of anything in my life. This is due to the same emotional numbness we try to foster in all our readers. Clearly it hasn’t worked with you. Excuse us for not posting 14 articles a week anymore. That’s like criticizing JD Salinger for not writing a novel for the last twenty years of his life.

Good Morning,
REMemeber that? You Udes to wihs us good morning s all the tyme. That was niced because i live alnoe and nobdy wishes me good morning. R U going to do that agin? I lked it.
-beeffart@earthlink.net

We were going to start the feature again on Monday but now will not. However I am interested in perhaps living with you. Do you have a one bedroom or studio? I am willing to pay $2500 a month, not including WebTV subscription. And I will wish you a good morning every day until the day I kill you.

Dear One Year in Texas,

A few questions if you’ll allow me. First what happened to ashlee the young female writer? She helped me find my way into the world of adolescent teendom in a way Skins does not. Second where are the Fish Puns? Imagine me asking that in the same tone as tea party baggers asking “Where is the birth certificate?” of President Obama. Third if the writers of One Year had to collectively name one website their favorite, which would it be?

Thank you,
Felipe


Hello Felipe,
That’s quite a laundry list of questions you have there. Hey, what does laundry list even mean? Do people write down every item of clothing they are washing? Have I been doing laundry incorrectly? Okay, first: ashlee was not a real person. Second: Fish Puns were written by Josh, who Glenn immediately banned from the site because Glenn is unable to come up with a pun. Gary and myself wrote a Fish Puns article once, and it was pretty good, I thought, but it did not even come close to matching the success of the original article. Our favorite website is TMZ or any other great celebrity gossip news website. We love to dish about the stars.

HI!!!!!!!! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!!!!!!!! I JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON AND I’M GOING TO COME FIND YOU AND SHOW YOU GUYS HOW MUCH I LOVE READING THIS SHIT WHEN I WAS IN PRISON. GIVE ME YOUR ADDRESSES PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, we are legally not allowed to give out our address on the internet. It is part of the contract we signed we were asked to take over this website. We agreed to the terms. It sounds like you want to murder us, which is further reason to not give you our addresses. We get these kinds of emails all of the time. People hate us and our website. I guess we are just not very likable. It’s probably why we only get 30 pageviews a day.

Hi bros,
I loved when you did Aerosmith week. They are one of my favorite bands of all time. Their song “Living on the Edge” is cool, but it is sort of scary, because it makes me think of falling off of a cliff. I like the song “Pink” although I’m not a big fan of the color. Why don’t you throw me a bone and write another Aerosmith article? You did a whole week based on Jerry Maguire, why not a whole week based on Aerosmith? Even if you just posted their music videography that would still be pretty cool.

Walk This Way,
Jeremy

Thanks Jeremy. There’s been a huge schism amongst the senior staff of OYIT about whether to do an Aerosmith week. Jerry Maguire week was actually our compromise between doing another Aerosmith week and doing one about Ben Hur. Have you tried www.aerosmith.com? They have some of the best Aerosmith fan fiction on the internet. One of them involves eating Donald Trump.

Attention,

Consider this an informal cease and desist order. Quit writing articles about Jerry Maguire or I’ll see you in the court of public opinion.

Sincerely,
Cameron Crowe

Cameron Crowe, your movies are not very good. I saw Vanilla Sky in the theater and feel like you owe me money for the time I wasted watching that dumb ass movie. Jerry Maguire week has been over for weeks. So I guess this order has already worked. We will never mention any of your movies on this website again. We cancelled Elizabethtown week, which we were going to do next week. I doubt anybody would have read the articles anyway.

Life With Mikey (Jerry Maguire Special Edition)

By Mikey 

I was asked to kick-off Jerry Maguire week with a special edition of Life with Mikey. It is one of my favorite movies, so I agreed. I hope you enjoy it and all of the articles for Jerry Maguire week.



Has anyone ever tried using the line “you had me at hello?” I wonder if it works.

I just googled it and it looks like the human head weighs 8 to 12 pounds, so that kid was half right. PolitiFact would rate this one “partially true.”

What ever happened to that kid? I haven’t seen anything since Little Vampires was released.

Say what you will about Tom Cruise and Scientology, but at least he had the guts to start his own talent agency.

People usually think that Jerry Maguire is a chick flick, but it’s really about football.

Jerry Maguire made over $270 million dollars. That’s like every American paying one dollar to see it. Too bad you can’t do that anymore. Don’t you miss the dollar cinemas?

Jay Mohr is good in Jerry Maguire, as to be expected.

Show me the money! was actually a good catchphrase. Better than “Do I make your horny” from the Austin Powers films because it’s family friendly.

Why didn’t they make a sequel?

My wife got me Jerry Maguire on VHS for Christmas. Remember VHS and when we had to wait so long for movies to be released? I don’t know if those were the “good old days” but I know films like Maguire make me think they were.

Renée Zellweger is one of the most beautiful movie stars of the 1990s.

I was glad to see a movie with so many different races. It’s better than those Tyler Perry movies that only have black people in them.

Jerry Maguire: By the Numbers

By Glenn 



If you're visiting One Year in Texas this week, you probably came from reading the February 2011 Jerry Maguire Fan Club Newsletter. Welcome and "you complete me." Today we will go over some of the most and least well known facts and figures, numerically, associated with the film Jerry Maguire. To former fan club Presidents like myself and Ted Kaczynski (the Unabomber), this will be old hat. I hope the rest of you enjoy and an advance apology to autistics because these numbers are not prime.




1991 - Year Jerry Maguire novel published

12/13/1996 - Date film version was released

3 - Number of Blockbuster Films Awards won

6 - Edits done to bring movie from NC-17 to R

$50,000,000 (estimated) - budget

10% - Percentage of budget devoted to ridding cast and crew of body thetans



139 - Minutes in the film

$11.2 million - Size of the Contract Jerry Obtained for Rod Tidwell with the Arizona Cardinals

6 - Muslim countries who banned Jerry Maguire and have subsequently experienced turmoil



2 of 6 - rank of Jerry Maguire relative to other Cameron Crowe films

258,205,112 - Times "Show Me the Money!" has been said sincerely or ironically since film's release

2 - Tears I cried last night while the climactic scene with Rob Tidwell in the tunnel after his catch

2 - Languages featured in the movie (English + ASL)

$270 Million - Total Gross of the film

$6.8 Million - Cost of home Renee Zellweger bought in 2002



$0.65 - Cheapest used price of the DVD on Amazon

5,637 - Words in full version of Jerry's "Mission Statement" at the beginning of the film

13 - College house parties where I have recited the entire "Mission Statement" from memory

0 - Sexual experiences I've had that can hold a candle to Jerry and Dorothy's first time

8 of 10 - Point on the scale of how mad I was at Jerry O'Connell's Frank Cushman character for betraying Jerry Maguire

268 - User reviews on IMDb

9 - User reviewers submitted by Ted Kaczynski via mail to IMDb



235 - Fan letters I have sent to Cameron Crowe because of this movie

234 - Fan letters that were returned to me as undeliverable

30 minutes - Amount of time per day that I spend trying to remember what was in that other letter

Debates


"i feel you went off topic far to many times and made your arguments out to be personal attacks on you opponents without really addressing the issue. Furthermore its in my opinion that you should leave peoples decisions alone, who the fuck are we to judge peoples self chosen athstetic persona, i make my judgements based on character." - Anonymous from the Tattoos Debate


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